


i want to cut you out of my dreams

by AspenRoman



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Trauma, honestly i just want azula to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24528943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AspenRoman/pseuds/AspenRoman
Summary: It's been five years since the events of Sozin's Comet, and Azula has finally been released from the mental asylum she was forced into. In a brand new world, Azula struggles to cope with her newfound freedom and the knowledge that the girl she once loved easily betrayed her.(basically an Azula redemption story of how she changes after the asylum and how not all change is good)
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 140
Kudos: 675





	1. what’s the thing that keeps me breathing?

**Author's Note:**

> um basically ATLA came out on Netflix and i always loved Azula and her story was amazing and i feel like she deserved better and to have a chance at being happy without her abusive father involved. there will be a lot of angst and drama but also i love the gays so

chapter one

* * *

When Azula feels the sun on her skin for the first time in five years, she almost cries. Almost. But she doesn't cry, at least not in public. So, she settles on a smirk that will fit her former persona as the two guards usher her forward. She feels stronger, more complete, and maybe that's because of the meditation and the medication, or maybe it's because she's finally free. _Freedom._ _What a strange concept_ , she thinks to herself as her brother, the new Fire Lord, emerges from his palanquin and reaches his hand out for her. Yes, she's out of the hospital, but it seems like she just traded her prison for one slightly bigger.

"Brother," Azula acknowledges him but does not grab his hand as she gets inside.

"Sister," Zuko smiles, "you look good. I assume you are anxious to get back to the palace?"

"Of course, I've been dying for an actual bed. You'd be surprised at how uncomfortable the floor is," Azula cracks her neck as the palanquin starts moving.

Zuko's eyebrows furrow, "The floor?"

"You didn't think I'd actually have a bed, did you?" Azula tilts her head, the epitome of innocence and confusion.

"I, I didn't know that," he frowns, "I would have objected, made them give you better conditions."

"Come on, Zuzu, you act like you didn't notice it when you visited. When was that? Like four years ago," she keeps her voice level and refuses to let any emotion in.

"Azula, don't be like that. I meant to visit, you know I did. I was busy with other responsibilities," Zuko tries to defend himself.

Azula pushes down the tinge of hurt, like she's just another chore he must attend to and forces a chuckle, "It's fine, brother. I was kidding."

The laugh sounds hollow even to her ears, and she cannot remember the last time she genuinely laughed. Maybe before the incident at the Boiling Rock. When it had been her, the love of her life, and her best friend against the world. And at the height of her life, it all came crumbling down. Everything she wanted had collapsed in on itself and her dreams of becoming Fire Lord were true for a day, but what was a kingdom without people around her? Money was just money, unless she had someone to spend it on.

The siblings fall into silence as the palanquin keeps moving and Azula takes the time to examine her brother. His hair is longer, but put up on the top of his head. His face seems more defined and his shoulders more square. He holds himself better, she realizes, with more confidence than the scared boy she once knew. If she wanted to, she could probably still take him down in a fight, claim the throne for herself. Sure, she's rusty but she was always better than him. But the longer she stares at him, the more she realizes the throne means nothing to her anymore.

For her entire life, Azula wanted to prove to her father that she deserved to rule. She trained her ass off, day after day, and became a perfect little soldier. Now, her father is dead and she's been branded a traitor and mentally insane for the past five years. The desire for revenge fueled her for years in the hospital, but eventually the feeling disappeared. Revenge could only drive her so far and she doesn't think that ruling would do her any good. What good would a throne be, if she had to build it upon the bodies of her brother and her ex-friends? The throne was a symbol and she didn't even know if she regained the title of Crown Princess. It didn't matter to her, not anymore. Nothing really matters to her anymore.

"I've arranged for you to stay in your old room, unless you'd like a new one?" Zuko breaks the quiet, "There's plenty of rooms, although we have more people staying at the palace than before."

"That's fine, thank you," Azula presses the smile to her lips as the palanquin stops and Zuko steps out. 

"May I present Fire Lord Zuko and the Crown Princess Azula," a servant says as Zuko helps her outside.

_There are more people than I expected_ , she thinks as the people cheer and scream for the siblings. Azula knows the praise is only because Zuko is there, and if it were her alone they would be booing. However, she pushes those thoughts aside as Zuko ushers her inside and she takes in her surroundings. The palace hasn't changed one bit, a time capsule of a million memories, mostly bad. Though, a few happy memories come to mind, mostly sneaking around with a certain acrobat and messing around. At the thought of her, Azula feels the breath in her throat catch before she swallows harshly and forces the mask back into place. Zuko drones on about new construction as he leads her to her room, as if she could forget where it was, and has the servants drop her things inside. She doesn't have much, barely enough for a single bag, but they carefully place it on her bed anyways. 

Azula barely notices Zuko leave as she walks around her room, a thin layer of dust on the majority of the furniture. It looks exactly as she had left it, save for the broken mirror which had been replaced with another. She doesn't look at herself, she hasn't been able to lately. Besides, she had seen herself months ago, and doubted she had changed much. Her chin was pointier than in the past, her cheekbones more pronounced from the lack of food. Her hair was longer, almost down to the middle of her back. Her eyes had dimmed, no longer as fiery as they once were before she lost her mind. As she thinks, she shuffles through her desk to see if her utensils were good. Azula's fingers brush against parchment and she pulls out a letter from her middle drawer. Her eyes skim the paper and the memory of pouring over a letter right before her coronation re-appears. She never sent it though. 

The letter read:

_Dear Ty Lee,_

_I don't know why I'm writing this, truth be told. And by the time you get this in the Boiling Rock, I think my fate will be sealed. However, I wanted to tell you that I am supposed to be crowned Fire Lord tomorrow afternoon. Father has declared himself the Phoenix King, and I am to rule beneath him. It feels like everything I've ever wanted, but at the same time it is bittersweet. The capital is deserted and there will be no one to witness me, the Conqueror of Ba Sing Se, be crowned. Only the Fire Sages will be witness. I have been training for this my entire life, but it feels more like a loss than a victory. Again, I don't know why I'm writing this. My thoughts have been jumbled lately, and I am seeing things that should not be there. I don't know why I'm telling you this, like you care about me, but I am. I know you don't like me. I don't even know if any of it was even real, or maybe it was you playing me the entire time. I underestimated you, yes, but I trusted you. I loved you. You were my closest confidant. I don't know if I could even trust you, not after what happened. I lost my temper, I hope you know deep down I would've never done anything permanent. But you did. And while you and I know that I play a lot of games, I hope you will realize I'm done. Games are fun, but someone always loses, and I am tired of always losing. This win feels hollow, without you. I hope you know that if you asked, I would've given you anything. You were everything. But now that dream is over and all that's left are ashes. And I do not think we can rise from them. I am sorry, truly, for all I have done._

_Azula._

Before she can even think, her hand is smoking and the parchment is engulfed in blue flames. Azula takes a deep breath to calm herself and resist the urge to burn the whole palace down. Love is weakness and she learned that the hard way, perhaps that was the only good thing Father had taught her. Loving only brought her pain. Because love had done nothing, had not stopped everything from falling to pieces, had not stopped the people she cared for the most from turning on her and betraying her. Love was weakness, and Azula had no room for it anymore. 

A knock at the door interrupts her train of thoughts, and Azula conceals her emotions once more as she opens it. A servant invites her to dinner and Azula follows her to the hall where a feast lies, with most of the seats filled by her enemies. _Former? There is no war, but I know they care little for me,_ she thinks. They all look relatively the same, most appear to have gained a little weight and grown a bit taller. Quietly, she takes her seat to the left of Zuko and picks at the plate of food she's given. Nowadays, she rarely has an appetite and it's even rarer when she's successfully able to keep food down.

"You look good, Azula," the Avatar is the first to address her and he speaks with that irksome overly nice tone.

"Thank you," she doesn't look up at him.

Azula knows his words are lies, knows her face is gaunt and that she hasn't had a good night's rest in Agni knows how long. However, she appreciates the sentiment.

"How was prison?" The Water Tribe boy asks before his sister elbows him.

Azula frowns, "Cold."

"Probably for the best right? Couldn't fire bend and you were going crazy last time we saw you," the ponytail-ed boy says.

"Could still electrocute someone in below freezing temperatures, crazy how that works," Azula shrugs.

Everyone pauses.

Azula sighs, "That was a joke."

The warrior forcibly laughs and the rest follow. Azula cannot resist the urge to roll her eyes before she excuses herself and leaves the table. As soon as she's out of eyesight, she hears them begin talking frantically, probably about her, but she could not care less what the peasants thought of her. They were never her friends to begin with. Azula retreats back to her bedroom, where she occupies herself for the next few hours. By the time the moon is high in the sky, she has reorganized her room as well as put away all of her slim belongings. A restless feeling comes over her, one she's familiar with when she hasn't bended in a fire. Agni, she cannot remember the last time she was allowed to bend. Although Zuko hasn't made any restrictions clear, he definitely would not be happy to hear her bend inside, so she hops outside of her window and goes to the gardens. When she last was here, she would use the training grounds every day. Bending gave her a purpose, it made her feel good and powerful. 

As Azula reaches the empty area, she feels the itch to bend grow stronger. Slowly going through her forms and techniques, she allows her body to warm up without bending. While she does that, she thinks of all she has gone through, all of the anger boiling underneath the surface. She thinks of the people she loved, and those she lost. And then, she looks toward the sky and exhales. The fire shoots out of her mouth as easy as breathing, and the dark sky is illuminated by the blue fire. She screams, for everything she has done and everything that has been done to her. And then, the energy disappears from her body and she collapses forward. Her chest heaving, the urge to cry arises again. Because yes, Azula feels everything, but she is never _allowed_ to feel. She's done horrible things no doubt, but that does not mean she has not felt the crushing guilt afterward. But everyone expects her to be the perfect princess, the one who should get the crown, and then Zuko barrages in years after being banished and he's given it on a platter. And yeah, Azula doesn't want it anymore, but it hurts that he was given her birthright without having to try. Her father used to say that Azula was born lucky and Zuko was lucky to be born, but she thinks it's the opposite. Because right now, as Azula cries the sky begins to cry with her and she feels the farthest from perfect.

With her clothing soaked, Azula trudges back to her room. On her way back, she sees a flash of pink but then blinks and it's gone, and she must have imagined it. She changes into a red and gold robe before collapsing into her bed. She falls asleep due to exhaustion almost immediately and dreams of the same person she does every night, the gray-eyed girl who left her behind.


	2. it's not living (if it's not with you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azula and ty lee meet again. obviously, it goes nothing like they both had expected.

chapter two

* * *

Like clockwork, Azula wakes up with the sun. It's an inexplicable feeling, something that echoes through her bones when the sun rises and it has woken her up every morning for the past few years. She used to hate getting up early, a princess needs her beauty sleep after all, but sleep became elusive, and only appeared if she was willing to endure nightmares. Azula wouldn't even really call them nightmares, more like memories of past events. They trickle in, little bits and pieces, but truth be told Azula cannot remember much of what happened in her five year stint at the hospital. Of course, she tries to remember; yet, her mind turns up nothing. It's a subconscious block, and although she has an idea of what happened, certain events elude her. Perhaps, it's best if she doesn't remember them.

As she stretches and gets ready for the day, Azula's mind wanders to what her brother could possibly assign her to do. After all, Azula was loyal to the Fire Nation no matter what and although she wasn't overly happy to be back in her childhood home, she knew that was part of her duty. After she dresses, she exits her room and tries to find her brother, who she knew also was prone to rising early. To her surprise, Zuko wasn't in his room or his old study, which was bare except for a wooden desk. Azula stops a servant and asks where he might and is directed to the war room, which was now obsolete she supposed. Not bothering to knock, she bursts into the room. 

"Zuzu, if I spend more time in this dour place I-" she cuts herself off mid-sentence.

There, in front of her, is the girl who has haunted her for the past five years. Her back is to her, but Azula recognizes the braid and the pink clothing instantly. Zuko sits at his desk dressed in his sleeping robes. By the burnt candle, it's obvious that they've been here for hours. He glances up at her, then to Ty Lee, and a look of panic crosses his face. Instantly, Azula schools her face into a mask of indifference as Ty Lee turns around.

"Azula," Ty Lee breathes, her gray eyes as big as saucers.

Azula doesn't smile, "Hello."

Her heart slams against her rib cage. _Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum_ and Azula's surprised the others don't hear it. Her eyes trail over Ty Lee and drink in the sight of her. If possible, she had only grown more beautiful, her eyes still as bright as before. She had gained a little weight, but Azula was only aware of it because of how well she knew her. She seemed more confident, like Zuko, with her relaxed stance and the way she held her chin high. Seems the time apart had done her well. Azula saw her as someone who had grown and matured, she wonders what Ty Lee thought of her now. Really, she was a shell of her former glory but the madness was gone. Before, all she cared for was violence and now she cares for nothing. She doesn't know which one is better.

"How have you been?" Ty Lee asks.

The Princess sees the fear in her eyes, evident even after all these years. Internally, Azula scoffs. _What did they expect me to do? Turn her to ash?_ And she takes a deep breath and remembers the meditations that the doctors taught her. Her former friends all think the worst of her, that much is obvious.

"Fine," Azula says and then sees the look in her eyes, "and you?"

"Great!" Ty Lee perks up, "Zuko has me in charge of this super secret spy thingy now. Keeps my aura pink."

Azula nods, "That's good. Mind if I talk to my brother?"

In her head, she thinks _I'm sorry. I miss you. Please talk to me. I messed up, but you did too. I hate you. Fuck you for ruining me. I'd rather live in stupid Ba Sing Se then be here and not be with you. I'm sorry._ Ty Lee glances back at Zuko and then back to her, the concern clear in her face. Azula sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I'm not going to attack my brother, Ty Lee, relax," Azula tells her.

Zuko sends a reassuring smile to Ty Lee, who bows to him before turning to leave. She brushes past Azula, and for a second they're close enough for Azula to smell her perfume but too far for her to reach out for her, and then she's gone again. The Princess feels her hands shake and she briefly wonders if she's going to pass out as she makes her way over to her brother's desk.

"Were you ever going to tell me that she lives here now, Zuzu?" Azula tries to be snide, but her comment lacks the bite.

"Listen, I'm sorry. It slipped my mind yesterday," Zuko presses his lips together in annoyance, "she lives in the opposite wing. You'll be fine."

 _No, you don't get it,_ Azula wants to scream at him, _you weren't close to her like I was. You don't know how hard it is to have the world in your hands one day and then have it slip through your fingers and disappear._

"I'm not even going to try to explain myself to you. I'm leaving, I'd like a ship. Or a balloon. Or even a mongoose lizard, I could not care less," Azula says.

Zuko frowns, "And why do you think I'd even allow that to happen? You were released yesterday."

"Exactly. I have spent the last fucking five years of my life trapped between four cold walls. I was probed and examined every hour of every day. No one knows who I am anymore, they all think you locked me up and threw away the key, which you did. It's not like I'd have people hunting me," Azula explains.

"And how do I know you won't do something reckless?" Zuko argues.

Azula rolls her eyes, "Yes, of course I'm just going to burn down a village full of innocent people because I'd just love to be thrown back into jail again. Are you stupid?"

Zuko closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as he debates with himself. For a second, Azula thinks he looks exactly like their father with the sternness in his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. Then, she blinks and she's back to reality.

"Fine. I'll have a ship prepared by tomorrow morning. Do you need a pilot?" He concedes.

Azula smirks, "Come on, you think I can't fly an airship? Do you think I'm an imbecile?"

Zuko raises his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay sorry. Just go to the docks tomorrow and it will be there."

"Thank you."

"Just keep yourself out of trouble."

"I always do."

* * *

"Okay, let me get this straight, you want me to follow your sister to make sure she doesn't do anything? Isn't that like, a suicide mission? She hates me, Zuko."

"Yes, but you were also the person she was closest to. Think of it like any other mission I've sent you on, emotions aside. I can't just let her leave without someone with her. Worst comes to worst, you chi block her if she tries to attack you."

"Zuko, I don't feel right about this, and you know I've done everything you've asked me to. You're literally telling me to get on her good side and pretend to be her friend again?"

"What else do you want me to do, Ty Lee? She's changed. And I don't know if it's good or bad. You've seen her, she looks like a ghost. I don't have any other options. This is an order."

"Zuko-"

"I'm sorry, if it makes you feel any better. But this is for the greater good. I can't have Azula hurt anyone."

"If she finds out about this..."

"She won't. I promise."

* * *

When Azula arrives at the docks the next day, she's surprised to see a familiar face waiting for her. For a moment, she thinks she's at the wrong ship, but realizes there's only one left. Ty Lee smiles at her toothily and waves.

"Hi Azula," she shouts.

Azula frowns, "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you, silly," Ty Lee says, "where to first?"

"You weren't invited, this is a solo trip," Azula crosses her arms. 

Ty Lee pouts, "It'll be like old times, come on."

"What's your game?" Azula walks closer to her, "You seem to have your hands full here."

Ty Lee stands her ground, "There's no game."

Azula presses forward and stops only a few inches from Ty Lee. Both of them had grown in the past years, but Azula still had an inch on her and Ty Lee shifted her eyes to look up at her. 

"Darling, we both know that's not true. Now, come clean, lies never benefit anyone," Azula coos.

"I missed you, okay?" Ty Lee blurts out and her cheeks flush, "I miss being able to leave the capital and going on adventures and going places where no one knows our names."

Azula considers herself a decent judge of character and she studies the other girl for a moment, before deciding she's being truthful, "Fine. You better not slow me down."

Ty Lee grabs her hand with a bright smile, "You won't regret it, Zula."

Azula flinches as soon as Ty Lee grabs her and both girls freeze. Wordlessly, Ty Lee drops her hand with a sheepish smile and Azula rolls her shoulders back and boards the ship. Ty Lee follows right after, chatting about everything and nothing. For her part, Azula responds with nods or "uh huh"s as she starts the ship up and pulls out a map. She brings the ship up and leaves the docks as Ty Lee keeps talking. Surprisingly, Azula finds that she's not annoyed by Ty Lee's talking, it's a welcome change to the silence she has gotten used to. As they enter the clouds, Azula tilts the ship slightly before pulling the lever to increase the speed. Ty Lee keeps talking, and while Azula doesn't exactly understand how she can switch topics so fast, she does her best to follow along.

"And what happened to the turtle duck?" Azula asks after minutes of silence.

With no response, the golden-eyed girl turns in her chair to see Ty Lee slumped against a wall and snoring. A soft smiles unconsciously makes its way onto Azula's face as she watches her. And if she closes her eyes, Azula can almost pretend they're both fourteen and on the hunt for the Avatar, two girls united against the world.


	3. this must be my dream, wide awake before i found you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the two girls land in their first location, and azula's nightmares bring them closer together

chapter three

* * *

By the time they land at their first destination, night has fallen. Ty Lee had woken up hours ago and spent her time in the passenger's seat with her legs kicked up onto the ship's control panel. Azula, to her credit, hadn't complained and simply worked around the acrobat. When they dock, Ty Lee presses her face against the glass in a childlike manner, and it makes Azula wish for simpler times. But alas, she cannot change the past and she doubts that anything would change even if she did.

"Why are we at Ember Island?" Ty Lee asks as Azula turns the engine off.

Azula shrugs, "I wanted some sun."

Logically, Azula knows that Ty Lee and bikinis are a combination that her heart cannot handle right now, but the sun is calling to her more. There's no more talk as the two grab their bags and leave the air ship, both too exhausted for chit-chat. It's been years since she was last here, but Azula knows the way to her vacation home by heart. It doesn't take the two girls long before they arrive and Azula fishes around for the key underneath the mat. She unlocks the door and walks inside, and it's exactly the same way they left it. There's still a giant portrait of her family and Azula takes a moment to stare at it. The creation of that painting feels so old and so foreign to her when half of the people are now dead. 

"Um, Azula, where should I go?" Ty Lee interrupts her reverie, twiddling her fingers.

For a second, Azula is confused, before she realizes that her and Ty Lee had always shared a room, even when they came here with Zuko and Mai a few years ago. In fact, their first kiss had been on this very beach, in this same house.

Azula pivots, "You can take any room, it's up to you."

She realizes she's less decisive and more complacent because now, with everything changed, she doesn't have any power over Ty Lee. There's no reason for her to boss her around or give her suggestions when they have no relationship, romantic or platonic, between them.

"Goodnight," Ty Lee whispers as she walks past her.

"Night," Azula says, but Ty Lee has already slipped into another room.

That seems like a common occurrence for them, both passing by each other with no real substance or contact between them. Azula doesn't know how much time has passed by the time she retires to her room, but she knows the moon is high in the sky. After she dresses for bed, she lays on top of the covers and stares at the ceiling, a million thoughts crossing through her mind. Eventually, her eyes flutter close and she enters a scene she knows too well.

It's the same old story, she's back in her old room (cell) at the hospital. Usually, her arms were restrained, but that never stopped her from breathing fire just to make sure she could still bend. It's always in the middle of the night, and she knows because of the changing of the guards. She knows it's just a dream, but she still can't wake up and she knows what's going to happen before it does. Her cell door unlocks and a few guards creep inside.

"Look at the almighty princess now," one whispers, the words always changing but the insults always there.

"Ha, if only Ozai could see her now," another snickers.

One, the largest, comes over to her and leers over her. The panic sets in as he places his hand over her mouth and Azula starts to struggle against the straitjacket, but to no avail. Another one pins her torso down.

"We're gonna have some fun, okay, Princess?" one coos.

Azula can feel her breaths coming in shorter and shorter puffs, but she can't summon enough fire to get them off of her. Fire shoots from her feet but nothing comes from her mouth. She moves as much as she can when one reaches for her and-

"Azula!"

A scream and the harshness of cold water bring her out of her dreams and Azula sits up immediately. She grabs at her throat and feels its hoarseness and realizes that maybe the scream was her. It takes a second for her eyes to adjust to the dark, but soon she spots Ty Lee on the side of her bed, a bucket in hand. She looks as terrified as Azula feels. 

"Almost burnt the whole place down," Ty Lee tells her and Azula sees the burn marks on the wall, "I'm glad I'm a light sleeper."

And for a second, the self-pity arrives again because Azula remembers Ty Lee would comfort her when they were younger, when Mai would sleep through her thrashing and Ty Lee would hold her until she calmed down. Of course the girl was a light sleeper, she had spent most of her time comforting Azula and her stupid, stupid dreams. Azula takes a deep breath and pushes some of the wet hair out of her face. The initial panic is starting to fade, but she still feels confined by the bedroom.

"Thanks," Azula mumbles and Ty Lee just nods, a sad, little smile on her lips.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" Ty Lee offers.

Azula turns her body to get out of bed and Ty Lee takes a step back, "I'm okay. I'm just going to go for a walk."

"I'll come with," Ty Lee says.

Azula frowns, "You should get some rest."

"I slept earlier. Besides, I doubt you really want to be alone right now."

And it's been five years, but Ty Lee still knows her as if the two had never stopped talking and it _hurts_. Azula feels like someone has ripped out her heart and left it on the ground to bleed, because Ty Lee can see through all of her walls like they're made of glass. She doesn't trust her mouth and instead simply nods as she gets up and slips on her shoes. Quietly, the two make their way outside and down to the beach. At this time of night, there's no one there and Ty Lee takes her shoes off to walk barefoot.

"Hey, you're shaking," Ty Lee murmurs and gently touches Azula on the shoulder, the flinch is instantaneous.

"Sorry," Azula says, "I don't mean to."

"I don't know where you go in that pretty little head of yours, but come back to Earth, okay? You're safe here, I promise. Zuko wouldn't have put me in charge of his entire security team if he didn't trust me," Ty Lee cracks her knuckles, "I'm pretty tough, you know."

"I don't doubt it," Azula gives her a smile, and although it's small it's genuine.

"Do you remember when we were here last time, with Mai and Zuko?" Ty Lee asks.

"When we burned Chan's house down? Yeah," a nostalgic smile plays on Azula's lips.

Ty Lee starts walking backwards further down the beach, a teasing tone in her voice, "You were so jealous."

"Perhaps," Azula becomes aloof again and follows her, "or I was in the mood for some casual destruction."

"Hmm, well then imagine me, surrounded by all these shirtless boys and all I could think about was how beautiful my best friend looked," Ty Lee tilts her head innocently, "really made me think."

"About?" 

"How I could never just have you as my friend, we were either everything or nothing."

A shiver runs down Azula's spine at her words, the unprovoked passion and straightforwardness. Azula avoids her gaze and looks out over the water.

She sniffs, "Well, now we're nothing."

"Azula, you and I both know we'll never be nothing," Ty Lee is in her face within a matter of seconds and Azula takes a step back.

"We can't do this, not again," Azula shakes her head.

"Do what?"

Azula clenches her fist and brushes past Ty Lee to continue down the beach, "These games are stupid."

"You loved them," Ty Lee calls after her and hurries to catch up.

"And I was also fourteen and reckless and an idiot," Azula keeps walking and refuses to look at her ex-lover, "I had everything I ever wanted in my hands. And then it all fell apart."

"Azula," Ty Lee pouts and walks in front of her again.

"I have long moved past the events that happened that year, but that does not mean I do not feel their consequences. And I understand why you did what you did, but you should know I was never going to hurt Mai, she was one of my best friends. You have no idea what it's like to have everything one second and then watch it all go up in flames. You have no idea how alone I was, what I went through," Azula tells her, "so don't try and tempt me with...with things like that. You and I both know that's dangerous."

"What?'

"Wanting. You cannot come back into my life after five years of nothing and expect everything to be the same, for me to want you the way I once did, because we are no longer the same girls we once were."

"I don't think that's necessarily bad, Zula. Change is good, change is healthy. Just because we aren't the same, doesn't mean it's bad."

"Speak for yourself," Azula says.

Ty Lee opens her mouth to say something but then immediately closes it. With a deep inhale, Azula unclenches her fist and turns back to the water. The waves crash into the shore over and over again, and slowly she calms down. For her part, Ty Lee stays quiet and just observes her as they stand there. Azula doesn't know how much time has passed before she figures out the words she wants to speak and closes her eyes.

"I loved you, you know. I loved you more than I loved anything or anyone else. I would've burnt the Fire Nation to the ground if you had asked," Azula admits, the words flowing like lava from her chest, "But losing you was like losing the Sun, and you have no idea what it's like for there to be light one day and complete darkness the next. And, truthfully, I could not handle that again. You have to understand, Ty Lee, that I cannot put myself or you through that again."

"I don't know what to say," Ty Lee tells her.

"There's nothing left to say," Azula says, "you can go back to bed, now that you've gotten your desired reaction out of me."

"It's not like that, you have to understan-"

"Please, I'd like to be alone."

Ty Lee bites her lip, "I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Ty Lee gently squeezes her arm before she heads back to the house, leaving Azula alone with her thoughts and the thunderous sound of the waves crashing against the shore.


	4. heaven is a place on earth with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azula and ty lee spend the day at the beach before heading to their next destination. slowly, they begin to bring each other out of their shells.

chapter four 

* * *

**Ty Lee's POV**

When the sun rises and Ty Lee gets up from her bed, she's surprised to see Azula in the living room, a magazine open in her lap. Azula looks over at her, her golden eyes covered by dark sunglasses. She has a bikini cover-up over her hips and a simple bikini top on, but Ty Lee can still feel her heart skip a beat. Ty Lee waves as a greeting while her other hand starts to run through the tangles in her hair.

"Breakfast is in the kitchen," Azula tells her. 

_Azula? Being nice without expecting anything in return? What world have I stumbled into,_ Ty Lee thinks to herself. It's not like Azula was never nice when they dated, but she rarely did such small and domestic gestures, especially when they had servants to do things like this. Ty Lee didn't even know she could cook.

"You can cook?" Ty Lee blurts out as she heads into the kitchen.

"I'm good with my hands," Azula says nonchalantly.

Ty Lee's cheeks flush and she's glad that she's out of the room because although Azula probably didn't mean it to sound like that, her words came out very suggestively. _Well, to be honest everything Azula says is more of a croon and always sounds suggestive._ The acrobat cuts into the omelette that Azula had made her, two eggs and spinach and a little cheese on top just like she liked it, and realizes that she wasn't bluffing, the woman can cook. Most of all, Ty Lee is surprised that she even remembers what she liked. Maybe the two weren't such a lost cause after all. Because yes, Zuko might've assigned her to watch Azula but even being around the woman for a day just reminds Ty Lee of her magnetic personality. Being with Azula was like flying, until they both came crashing down. And while Ty Lee thinks she's dealt with the past five years well, she no longer cried herself to sleep for her actions, there will always be a part of her that's in love with Azula. And being with her now, it makes her wonder how big that part of her is. 

Being with Azula made her feel like she was invincible, like she was the prettiest girl in the world. It made her feel unique and wonderful and any high from drugs could never compare. But being with her was toxic and the two fought more often than Ty Lee would like to admit. But when they were good? They were unstoppable. Ty Lee thinks back upon the two of them, set in their mindsets and content with their lives and laughs. Because they hadn't even reached their potentials before it all went wrong. She wonders what Azula thinks of her now, if she still sees the submissive and ditsy flirt she was when she was fourteen. When she was fourteen, Ty Lee thought the world of Azula, but was still terrified of her. Now, Ty Lee realizes that this Azula is nothing like the one she knew, she wears melancholy like a cloak and the more Ty Lee pushes, the more she's scared that if she pushes too hard Azula will shatter. Obviously, a lot had happened while she was in the hospital and Ty Lee is 99% sure that Zuko would have no idea what her nightmares were about, if he knew when they were happening he would've surely stopped everything. The new Azula is colder, more aloof (and that's saying something), but when she starts to open up she blooms like a flower. 

Ty Lee finishes her breakfast caught up in her thoughts, because Zuko said she was a ghost, but ghosts are cold and Azula still runs warm. There's still a warmth to her smile and there's an unspoken kindness she carries with her. Maybe she's trying to be better, Ty Lee supposes. Truthfully, Ty Lee knows nothing of this new Azula, but the way they still click makes her think that she could definitely fall in love again with this Princess.

"I'm going down to the beach before the crowds come. Do you want me to wait for you or would you rather do something different? If so, I can always meet you back here in a few hours," Azula suggests.

 _That is definitely new,_ Ty Lee can't help that her eyes widen slightly before she puts on a smile, _the old Azula would make a decision and then tell her what to do, not make multiple suggestions and let her pick._

"Um, just let me change and I'll go with you," Ty Lee tells her, "do we need to, uh, worry about anyone recognizing you?"

"Only the people in the capital know I'm released," Azula sighs, "time passes differently here, no one really cares most of the time. We should be fine."

"Okie," Ty Lee grins before she races off to get dressed.

When she's changed into her pink bikini, Ty Lee puts her sunglasses back on and goes to join Azula at the front door. She's glad for the glasses, because now she can subtly check Azula out without being called out. Her body is skinnier, Ty Lee realizes, before it was lean muscle and now her abs have almost disappeared. Her collarbones protrude almost painfully from her skin and if Azula breathes too deeply, Ty Lee can see her rib cage clearly. She wonders what happened, if it was the medicine that made her lose weight or something else.

"I can feel you checking me out," Azula calls from a little in front of her.

Ty Lee pouts and rushes to join her, "C'mon, I have sunglasses on I didn't think you'd notice."

"I have my ways," Azula says with the signature smirk on her lips and it makes Ty Lee think of simpler days.

"Are you going out into the water?" Ty Lee asks as Azula finds a spot and starts to put her stuff down.

"I'm planning on just enjoying the sun, I don't particularly enjoy water," Azula's nose scrunches, "you go ahead and do whatever, I'll be here."

With a quick two-fingered salute, Ty Lee saunters off to the water and goes in until the water hits her chin. _It's nice,_ she admits, _having the time to vacation and not focus on work_. In the past few years, she's been consumed with work and barely had the time to breathe. Now, it feels like Ty Lee has all the time in the world. As more and more people join the water, Ty Lee cannot help but glance at their bodies and then her own and the familiar insecurity enters her mind. She knows she's not as small as she used to be, and it's not like she's _big_ or anything but there's a little more pudge on the side of her hips and stretch marks on the back of her thighs and she's hyper-aware of it now. Soon, Ty Lee goes back to the shore and makes her way back to Azula. Maybe once she's there she can make some excuse and go back the house.

"Water not as enjoyable as you imagined?" Azula comments as Ty Lee comes back and starts to grab her stuff.

"It was fine, I, I'm just going to go back," Ty Lee says.

Azula sits up, "Why?"

"I just want to," Ty Lee doesn't meet her eyes.

"Ty Lee, look at me," Azula looks at her over her sunglasses.

Ty Lee looks at her and the intensity in Azula's eyes make her freeze. In the few days since Azula has been back, she has never once looked at the brown-haired acrobat like that. Her eyes always seem clouded, but now they seem so clear and Ty Lee can practically see the gears turning in her brain.

"You are the most beautiful girl I have _ever_ met," Azula tells her, "and I don't know if some insecure asshole with a micropenis made a comment or you're in your head again, but darling, you have to snap out of it. Don't let someone ruin your vacation. You are gorgeous, and it doesn't matter if you have stretch marks or whatnot, that does not change your beauty."

"You really think so?" Ty Lee asks, the same awe-struck tone in her voice that she had when she first met Azula when they were kids.

"I do. And I have thought that ever since I met you," Azula fixes her sunglasses, "if you really want to go back to the house, then I won't force you to stay. But frankly, I enjoy your company and would rather enjoy the sun with you."

Without hesitation, Ty Lee puts her towel back on the sand and lays down next to Azula. After a few moments of silence, Ty Lee turns so she's on her side and faces Azula, who merely acknowledges her with a slight tilt of her head. 

"Azula?" Ty Lee says.

"Mhm," Azula responds.

"Tell me a story," Ty Lee asks.

When they were younger and less jaded by the world, Ty Lee would always ask Azula for stories. The Princess's mind was not only gifted with war tactics, she was also insanely creative. Whether the story was true or not, Ty Lee didn't care, she always loved the stories Azula would tell her, there was something so charming about the way she spun them. No matter if the tales were tragedies or victories, Azula made them incredible.

"Factual or fictional?" Azula says after a moment.

"One of each?" Ty Lee tries.

"You spoiled girl," Azula grins, and Ty Lee forgot how much she loved her smile.

"Please?" Ty Lee says.

Azula nods, "Alright. Well, there was one time when I was younger and my parents were still together that Zuzu and I were messing around at the turtle duck pond. And mind you, Zuko is probably five or six at this point, so he was definitely old enough to have at least one functioning brain cell. We were feeding the turtle ducks but none of them would get close enough for us to pet them, and Zuko was getting so frustrated. I convinced him that if he threw a rock close enough to them, they would magically be drawn to us so we could pet them. You should've seen the expression on his face, he was utterly convinced that it would work. And he grabs this enormous rock and chucks it at a bunch of turtle ducks who start quacking and rush at him. The boy got chased around that pond for almost thirty minutes, it was the funniest thing ever."

"Zula, that's awful," Ty Lee gasps and affectionately pokes her.

Azula laughs, "The animals were fine of course, but it was hilarious, Zuzu would've believed me if I told him the sky was green back then."

Ty Lee almost makes an excited noise when Azula laughs, it's been so long since she's heard that sound. Back when they were together, Azula would laugh all the time at her dumb ass jokes, even if they weren't that great just to humor her. She laughed in front of other people of course, but the sound was slightly different when it was just the two of them, less restrained.

"What's the fictional one then?" Ty Lee asks.

"Oh, you're not bored?" Azula seems surprised.

"Never, you have to tell me the other story."

"Fine, fine. Well, there was once a girl, we'll say her name was Lee-"

"Isn't Lee a guy's name?"

"My story, Ty Lee, I get to make up the names."

"Okay, okay."

"Anyways, Lee lived in Ba Sing Se and worked at the tea shop her uncle owned. They lived there for many years, and their tea was so grand that the entire city knew about it. Soon their little shop expanded into many more spread across the city, but the locals always said how the original was the best. One day, another girl named Tui stumbled into the shop, and the two instantly had a connection. Time passed quick for the two of them, date after date and they began to fall in love, but Lee was always hiding a part of herself away. On the night of the lantern festival, Lee knew she couldn't keep hiding anymore. Everyone had gone home after the festival, so Lee took Tui to a fountain with unlit lanterns scattered around it. She told her to close her eyes, and Tui did, then Lee lit all of the lanterns with her firebending. When Tui opened her eyes, the entire area was aglow, and it didn't take a genius to figure out how. Lee was terrified and thought that Tui would run and hide, because Lee could firebend. Instead, Tui looked at her with honesty in her eyes and told her she loved her. She didn't care that they were different or that Lee thought herself a monster, because Tui thought she was beautiful. And they lived happily ever in that walled city."

"Aw, that was so cute, who knew you were a romantic?" Ty Lee smiles.

Azula shrugs, "It occasionally happens."

"Well, I guess I know where we go next."

"Where?"

"Ba Sing Se."

"...You're joking, right? Oh Agni, you're not."

"It'll be fun, I promise. It can be like the old days, minus the Avatar and the giant drill, y'know."

"Please stop talking before I change my mind."

Ty Lee grins at her, all of her teeth on show and pretends like she doesn't notice the tiny smile on Azula's face. Maybe everything will be fine after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while the majority of this story is going to be in azula's pov, i wanted to give ty lee a few moments to share her own thoughts and feelings without being too intrusive. hope you guys liked this one:)


	5. if i od, i want you to od right beside me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the conqueror of ba sing se returns, and everything has changed

chapter five

* * *

As they land outside of Ba Sing Se, Azula cannot help her nervous pacing. It has been over half a decade since she was here last, and then she was at the top of the world. She didn't know her peak would've been there, at 14, and certainly didn't expect her decline to be so quick. She wonders where that Azula ends and where the present one begins, because they definitely are not the same person.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ty Lee materializes out of nowhere.

"Just caught up in memories, it's nothing," Azula says.

Ty Lee looks like she wants to argue for a moment before she sighs, "Okay, let's go inside then."

Without hesitation or even asking, Ty Lee grabs her hand and intertwines their fingers as they walk off the ship. It's been a long time since they've really held hands, but Azula doesn't immediately pull away. In fact, the physical contact makes her chest feel all tingly and warm and Azula can't remember the last time she felt like that. So, she lets Ty Lee lead her into Ba Sing Se with her toothy smile and her callused fingertips and her eyes that always made her seem like she was about to cry. She lets her do that because, Agni, it has been years but Azula is still painfully in love with her and they have to be nothing, for both of their sanity. 

The guards glance at their paper work but easily let them it in. _They're still dumb_ , Azula notes, _perhaps not everything had changed_.

"Come on, let's get something to drink," Ty Lee pulls her along into the bustling streets and Azula feels like she's having an out of body experience as people brush by her without a second thought. They don't even glance at her, and an inexplicable wave of anger rushes over her. She is the Conqueror of Ba Sing Se, she took their city and barely lifted her pinkie finger. They should fear her or hate her, or _something._ Not this, not passing her like she's nothing, some peasant. She's still the Princess of the Fire Nation, and these commoners don't even bother to look at her.

"Your hands are so warm," Ty Lee comments and Azula immediately rips her hand out of her grasp. She can't hurt her, not again, and especially not with her bending. Azula doesn't want to hurt her anymore. Ironically, Ty Lee's eyes flash with hurt but she says nothing as Azula silently follows her through the flow of the crowd. Earth Kingdom banners are flown sporadically from buildings and children weave in front of Ty Lee, shouting about everything and nothing. The square is filled with so much noise and so much life, that Azula feels unease creep into her bones. She's never been good at holding on to anything good, and she wonders how easy it would be to set this entire square on fire, to hear the screams of people who once again fear her. _What good would that do?_ She muses internally, _besides get me thrown back into jail._

"We're here," Ty Lee announces and Azula stops beside her to glance up at the neatly written banner 'The Jasmine Dragon'.

"We're drinking leaf juice?" Azula raises an eyebrow, but still opens the door for Ty Lee. The acrobat walks into the shop and Azula follows her as the door quietly swings shut behind them.

Ty Lee giggles, "It's the best place in town. When I was a Kyoshi Warrior, we were stationed here for a while and I came here every night. Doesn't hurt to see a friendly face."

"Why'd you leave?" Azula's eyebrows press together, "and what do you mean friendly face?"

"Ty Lee! I didn't expect you back so soon," a familiar voice calls and Azula unconsciously takes a step back.

Her Uncle looks almost exactly the same, his hair and beard the same lengths. There are more bags around his eyes, but as he greets her...(friend? acrobat? babysitter? Azula doesn't know) the same jovial nature is evident. They make eye contact and Azula stares him down before her eyes flicker to Ty Lee and back to her uncle. She couldn't burn the place down without accidentally hurting Ty Lee, so firebending was out of the question. If it came down to just fighting, Azula knows they're both rusty but she reckons she could beat him. Iroh was already old, and five more years only brought him closer to the grave. 

The smile on Iroh's face shrinks for half a second, but Azula notices it. She always noticed when he would react differently to her, compared to the way he would interact with Zuko. Maybe the Princess pretended like she was oblivious to it, but she always knew. 

"Azula," Iroh keeps his smile on, "I didn't realize you had been released. I hope you have found your inner peace, it is an agonizing journey but the reward is priceless."

Aka _congrats, we all knew how the prodigy child lost her friends, her throne, and her mind. Hope you're not planning on burning my tea shop down, otherwise we'll have problems._ Azula refuses to give him any of his weird satisfaction and simply gives him a terse nod in acknowledgement. Her fingers twitch and the urge to bend boils in her bloodstream, but she presses it down. Not in front of witnesses, not where she could lose control and hurt someone.

"Is my regular table open?" Ty Lee interjects, "we're not in town for long unfortunately."

"Of course, dear," Iroh gestures her to the corner, "let me bring out my new blend. Make yourselves at home."

Ty Lee walks over to a two-person table tucked into the corner and Azula frowns as she tries to figure out where to sit. If she sat on one side, her back would be exposed to the door. If she sat in the other one, she would have eyes on the door but her back would be exposed to Iroh.

"Something wrong?" Ty Lee waits as Azula eyes the chairs.

"I don't like feeling exposed," Azula says plainly.

Ty Lee makes a empathetic noise and rearranges the furniture so one chair is tucked against the wall, "There, is this better?"

"Yes," Azula nods and sits in the chair.

"You can say 'thank you, Ty Lee', you know," Ty Lee teases.

Azula leans back in her chair, "Oh of course, thank you Ty Lee for taking me to see one of the many family members who despises me and has tried to murder me, without warning me. I am ever in your debt."

Ty Lee pouts, "It didn't go that bad. He's trying to be nice."

Azula laughs, but the sound is hollow, "Ty, he has thought I was a monster ever since I was born. He doesn't like me, and I guarantee if you weren't here, he would be trying to take my head off."

"Not true," Iroh butts in and sets a kettle and two tea cups in front of them, "I thought you were merely misguided as a child. As a teenager, I saw too much of Ozai in you, and I regretted not intervening sooner, not trying harder. Perhaps, I could have gotten through to you as I had Zuko. Violence is a circle, and solves nothing. You were a weaponized child, I blame you for nothing."

"You're only saying that because I did what you were unable to," Azula spits, "conquer this miserable rock pile."

"Ba Sing Se has been far more forgiving to me than it should be," Iroh says, "here I have found a home and a new calling. Both of which I see you lack."

Azula feels like her dumb ass brother as she jumps to her feet, her anger threatening to erupt inside of her. In her head, she can picture this idiotic shop going up in blue flames, but instead she shoves past her Uncle.

"She has changed, she acts more like Zuko before his fever," she hears Iroh comment as she heads for the door, "but is it good or bad?"

"I don't know," Azula hears Ty Lee admit as the Princess leaves the shop and heads into the street. 

* * *

For the rest of the day, Azula avoids Ty Lee like the plague. It's not like she makes a point to hide from the circus freak, but she doesn't seek her out. The golden-eyed girl spends the rest of the day climbing across rooftops, far away from the commoners and their stink (no one believes her, but peasants smell different). Mostly, she people-watches and laments on everything that has led her to this point. As the sun sets, she rests her elbows on the half walls that line the roof of the house she's on, absentmindedly tossing a ball of blue fire between her left and right hand. She hears light footfalls as someone lands on the roof behind her, but she already knows who the culprit is and doesn't even bother to turn.

"There you are! I've spent the entire day looking for you. Why didn't you wait for me back at the tea shop?" Ty Lee asks and walks over to her.

Azula doesn't say anything, just shrugs and keeps her eyes glued on the fire in her hands. She feels Ty Lee brush against her as she comes to stand by her, and can feel her expectant eyes on her.

"What? Going to lecture me?" Azula snarks.

"No. Just wanted to make sure you were okay," Ty Lee says softly.

"I'm fine," Azula grunts.

"Then will you look at me?" Ty Lee cups her elbow.

Azula extinguishes the fire instantly, and lets the acrobat turn her to the side. She stares down at the grey-eyed girl as Ty Lee smiles up at her. 

"What's wrong?" Ty Lee asks.

Azula sighs, "What do you see when you look at me?"

"Besides the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world?" Ty Lee says and Azula is transported back to a simpler time, to when the flames still seemed beautiful to her.

"Funny."

"It's the truth."

"I am not perfect, if I was perfect I would be on that throne, instead of travelling the world trying to regain my bearings."

"You're here, with me, and I think anywhere with you is my definition of perfect."

Azula's stomach flips, "You can't mean that."

Ty Lee smiles up at her, "I have always loved you more than I feared you. And I loved you when you had the world in the palm of your hands, and I love you now, with nothing to your name but your bending and me."

"And you?" Azula raises an eyebrow.

Ty Lee blushes, "I will be yours as long as you'll have me."

Forgoing restraint, Azula leans down toward Ty Lee, who meets her halfway and their lips meet for the first time in years. It feels like their first kiss all over again, both so hesitant and careful. Ty Lee tastes like sin, and Azula forgot how good it was to give in to her emotions. Something akin to moths flutter in her stomach as she grips Ty Lee by the waist and brings her closer, and the feeling makes Azula think they could be ethereal, like they could live forever. After a few moments, Azula pulls back, but keeps her arm around Ty Lee.

"Being with me will only cause you to suffer," Azula tells her, "people will never get us. They will stare and they will whisper and-"

"And how is that any different from when we were kids? People will always stare, might as well give them something to talk about," Ty Lee giggles.

Ty Lee giggles and she glows, and Azula thinks she could be the sun personified, and maybe that's why she loves her so much.

Wordlessly, Ty Lee brings Azula in for another kiss and then another and the urge to smile arises and Azula thinks that maybe she's dying. There is just so much emotion rushing through her veins, and her entire body tingles.

"Can you do that thing you did when we were kids?" Ty Lee murmurs, her nose pressed to Azula's.

"The fireworks?" Azula cannot fight the urge to smile anymore.

"Mhm," Ty Lee grins.

Without complaint, Azula removes her hands from Ty Lee body and summons spark at her fingertips that she shoots into the sky. At the last second, she shoots fireballs from her fists that hit the lightning and the explosion of sparks and smoke illuminate the sky. Ty Lee gasps at the color of the display as Azula repeats the action once more.

"Holy shit, Zula, Zula, those flames they're..." Ty Lee's mouth falls open.

"I know," Azula is speechless.

Because for the first time, with her body tingling with pure euphoria, Azula's flames burn purple in the dark sky of Ba Sing Se. And as she gazes down at Ty Lee, Azula thinks she knows why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry for the wait, i write stuff out of order and i also work two jobs and am taking summer classes for college, so i legit have no time ever. next update will be as soon as i can (probably 2-4 weeks, but sooner if I find spare time).
> 
> okay just saying, yeah azula is a psycho sometimes in the cartoons, but i fully believe in change and rehabilitation, so if she seems a lil OOC, i'm basing her off of aaron ehasz's (one of ATLA's main writers) original plan for azula to have a redemption arc and turn into someone who overshares (in his own word's "a Canadian azula"). she still has her snark and everything, but please keep in mind that she's been in a mental facility for 5 years, abused by her dad for 13 others, etc. just want my baby to be happy:)


	6. this bridge was built over kerosene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azula opens up about her time in the asylum and ty lee decides to share a new invention with the fire princess

chapter six

* * *

They spend the next few weeks exploring the Earth Kingdom, travelling from city to city with smiles on their lips and their hands intertwined. They don't really talk about it much, they don't dare pop the bubble they're in, but Azula cannot deny their chemistry. Their days are filled with whatever activity Ty Lee decides they should do, and Azula will moan and complain, but follow the girl along dutifully. They talk about the highlights of their lives, light snippets of moments they either shared together or Ty Lee will tell stories of her time in the Kyoshi warriors. But, the nights are when everything changes.

The first time they slept in the same bed, Azula had refused to go to bed, and paced the entire night as Ty Lee slept. When Ty Lee had woken up well-rested and Azula looked ragged, the acrobat knew something was up. The next night, Ty Lee pretended to sleep and watched as Azula got up and slept in the armchair instead. After a long talk, they decided it was best for both of them to sleep in different rooms. Azula was still adjusting to physical contact, and Ty Lee was the one who put in solid boundaries in order to not overwhelm the girl. They're still close enough for Ty Lee to wake up to her shouts, to see the terrified way she always wakes up, and close enough for her to help out in case it gets bad. Mostly, Azula curls in on herself and always reacts to Ty Lee trying to physically touch her, which the circus girl learns after a particularly bad night. Azula spends the rest of that night mumbling apologies to the girl's reddened wrist, and Ty Lee tries to reassure her that the hit wasn't even that bad (it really wasn't) but Azula cries either way, and Ty Lee knows that something bad must've happened.

And although they don't sleep together, they begin to spend the hours before bed together, curled up in each others arms. Typically, Azula rests her head in Ty Lee's lap as the former Kyoshi warrior slowly pries information from the Princess's mouth. The more she uncovers, the more it makes her sick to her stomach.

"The guards, were they ever rude to you?" Ty Lee asks tonight as she strokes Azula's hair.

Azula snorts, "That must be a rhetorical question."

"Zula, I, uh, don't know what that word means," Ty Lee admits.

And while Azula laughs, she does play a kiss to the inside of Ty Lee's thigh to soothe the girl's pride, "Yes, they weren't particularly nice. It was a random asylum, but word travels fast that a 'special' patient is being kept in the basement. And a lot of people had grievances they wanted to air."

"Did...did they hurt you?" Ty Lee can barely get the words out.

"Yes, the first time they tried I fried three of them," Azula's nose crinkles in disgust, "then they threw me in some weird jacket contraption. Made it much easier for the guards, and much harder for me. Cranked the temperature down, and there was nothing I could do."

"They didn't touch you, right?" Ty Lee's fingers shakes as she rakes them through Azula's mane of hair.

"Inappropriately? No. Violently? Of course," Azula tries to come off sounding nonchalant, "steel-toed boots hurt a lot more than I thought they would. The servants spent a lot of time cleaning blood from my cell."

Ty Lee wants to hurl, "Is that what your nightmares are about?" 

Azula closes her eyes, "Usually. Sometimes they're different, sometimes the guards are switched with my father, and the boots are replaced with flames. I hear his voice sometimes, when I fail at something or I'm slightly less than perfect. I hear him in my dreams too, admonishing me for all the things I never became."

Ty Lee freezes, "I didn't...I, did Zuko know?"

"About Father or about the guards?" 

"Both."

"I assumed he would've noticed the burns, but he might've been as dumb as usual. Burns heal fast on benders and as I grew up, Father learned where to hit in order for them to be hidden by most clothing. The guards? I would've told him but I didn't have access to a messenger hawk, and I only saw him once and that was before everything happened."

"Woah, woah, you only saw him once?" 

Azula opens her eyes and stares up at her, "Yes, a month or so after you visited."

Ty Lee sees the pain in her eyes and recalls their last encounter in the asylum, "I'm sorry, Zula."

"I know you are, but your words were true," she shrugs.

Ty Lee shakes her head and pulls Azula up so she can hug the other girl, "No, I was angry and I lashed out at you. But none of it was ever true, I was tired of games and I wanted to hurt you, I wanted to hurt you and it's not right but I did, and I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Azula tells her and holds her tight as Ty Lee can't stop the tears that fall from her eyes. And she feels so dumb, because why is she crying when Azula was the one who went through so much? But she can't help it and cries in earnest, for all the innocence Azula lost, and Azula holds her tight and lets her do so.

Later, when Azula has gone to bed, Ty Lee begins to write her weekly report to Zuko. The reports are fairly generalized, she never wants to invade Azula's privacy or trust, so she keeps most of the information that Azula has told her out of the letters. Mostly, she gives Zuko geographical updates on them, where they physically are and the sights they see on the day-to-day. She tells him she's getting better, which she believes, and sends the letter away with the messenger hawk before the moon even begins to disappear. And as she blows out the blue-flamed candles, Ty Lee wonders how she's supposed to tell Azula about what she's done, or if she even should.

The truth, what a complicated thing.

* * *

For years, Azula had only been given a thin mat on the ground (and only on rare occasions) so a bed seems like a gift to her. Thus, it makes it much harder to leave said bed, even if it's only a mattress on a rock frame. It takes a lot of pleading and tugging, but eventually Ty Lee manages to get Azula out of bed and en route to their next adventure.

"I promise you'll like it," Ty Lee tells her as she scales the building and Azula follows her.

"I would like it better if I knew what was going on," Azula grumbles.

Ty Lee merely sticks her tongue out in response as she flips onto the roof and Azula merely hops up. 

"Show off," Azula mumbles, but her tone is affectionate and Ty Lee kisses her cheek, causing her entire face to turn red.

Any other comment dies on Azula's tongue as she looks forward. The entire city is on view for them, their angle high enough for them to see almost everything but for no one to see them. The roof's edge is only to their waists, big enough to stop anyone from falling off but low enough for them to see easilu. The air is filled with voices, the city abuzz for some reason. In front of them are two paper lanterns, but they are not attached to anything. Azula cautiously walks over to them and picks one up to examine it.

"A lantern? Why is it not strung up?" She cocks her head to the side.

Ty Lee giggles. "It's not supposed to be attached to anything silly."

"Okay?" Azula shoots her a confused look.

"The inventors at the Northern Air Temple created them. They're like normal lanterns but they fly. You just light a fire in the middle, see," Ty Lee points to the middle, "and the heat causes the lantern to rise."

"I'm impressed you know so much about them," Azula says, "but how did you even get them?"

"There's a big festival tonight, it used to be traditional lanterns but now everyone uses floating ones. I thought we could celebrate on our own."

Azula hums as she turns the lantern in her hands before she looks up at Ty Lee. The acrobat wrings her fingers, clearly uncomfortable under Azula's evaluative gaze. After a second, Azula's pale lips curl up into a minuscule smile.

"I like it," Azula tells her and Ty Lee nearly shrieks in joy.

"Yay! I think they're about to start, will you light mine?"

Azula nods and Ty Lee grabs her own lantern and holds it out for the Princess. Effortlessly, Azula lights the middle of her lantern with only her pinky, before she lights her own. Azula stares at the tiny flame inside of the invention, her eyebrows pressed together as she thinks.

"So...we just let it go when everyone else does? That's it?" Azula asks but her eyes never leave the flame.

"Well, some of the Kyoshi Warriors told me that at the old lantern festival, when you light a lantern you're supposed to make a wish or say a prayer in another's name. I like the wish idea better."

"Make a wish then?"

Ty Lee nods. Azula closes her eyes and racks her brain for her biggest wish and a billion ideas immediately pop up. The old Azula would have instantly wished for the throne or maybe Iroh's head on a platter, but she dismisses those ideas. _Maybe for Mai to forgive me? No, I've lived without her before and I have all I need here._ And it hits Azula like a boulder, she has everything she has ever wanted right here. Someone who genuinely loves her, her bending, and her freedom. There is nothing more she truly wants.

"Zula, it's time open your eyes," Ty Lee breaks her out of her thoughts.

Azula opens her eyes and sees a multitude of lanterns fly up into the sky all across the city Ty Lee called Omashu. To be honest, there isn't much of a difference from this and Ba Sing Se from Azula's point of view, still too much dirt and rock for her taste. It seems like people from every part of the city participated tonight, and the midnight sky lights up with what looks like a billion tiny stars. Without hesitation, she releases her lantern and watches it float into the sky. A laugh bubbles from her chest, unbridled happiness at the beautiful sight before her. She turns and sees Ty Lee looking at her, her round, grey eyes locked onto her. Azula sees so much in her eyes, so much admiration and joy and _love,_ which makes the Princess smile at her. She wonders if they'll be able to feel like this forever, so warm and content. She hopes so.

"What happens after this?" Azula asks and tears her eyes away from Ty Lee.

"What do you mean?" She can feel Ty Lee's eyes on her.

"What happens when we have to go back to reality? When your duties call of you and when I find mine?" 

"Then we figure it out together."

"Really?"

"You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Azula reaches out and grabs Ty Lee's hand, who intertwines their fingers together. Azula rubs her thumb over Ty Lee's hand and the two stand in silence. They stare at the sky full of burning lanterns and for a moment, it feels like they're the only people in the universe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are basically at the halfway point of this story:(, the end is near people. i hope you've enjoyed everything so far. this story is pretty short in general, will probably end up being 18k-20k words. just didn't want to drag out anything, but once this story is over i'm open to making some one shots or something in the same world, we'll see. or i'll publish some of the other tyzula stuff i have in the works;)


	7. oh, i was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the truth comes out, and azula's world tears at the seams. 
> 
> tw: a suicide attempt and mentions of past self-harm

chapter seven

* * *

"Ty Lee, do you know where I put my pin? It must be somewhere around here," Azula barges into her friend's room without care.

Last night, they hadn't retired til the sun had begun to rise. Even Azula was exhausted, and she was used to running on minimal sleep. Currently, the sun had been in the sky for a few hours and Ty Lee hadn't emerged from her bedroom, so Azula took it upon herself to wake her up. After she enters the room, she spots Ty Lee sound asleep at her desk, a piece of parchment under her chin and a pen by her hands. Loud, rumble-like snores emerge from her mouth and Azula knows she's completely asleep. 

"What were you working on?" Azula mumbles as she walks over to the desk. Being more curious than annoyed, Azula glances at the letter and feels her blood run cold. All she sees is the "dear Fire Lord Zuko" and she knows that something is wrong. A pit forms in her stomach as she coaxes the letter out from under Ty Lee and reads it. Nausea claws at her throat and she closes her eyes to fight the urge to retch. The note's contents have already been committed to memory anyways.

_Dear Fire Lord Zuko,_

_We are on day...25? 30 maybe? Of our journey. I have no idea how much longer we will be away, but I know the time away has done wonders for your sister. She is opening up more and more to me. I have a lot to discuss with you when we return. When you ordered me to follow your sister, I was hesitant at first but I feel like progress has been made. She no longer hates me and I think she even trusts me. My heart goes out to her. I will tell you more later, I have no idea how much information is even getting to you. However, I do not feel good ab-_

The letter had cut off abruptly, probably when Ty Lee had fallen asleep. Last night was the same as their usual routine, Ty Lee would play with her hair and talked about her life while Azula was gone. It made her feel connected, but now Azula knows the truth. The letter falls from her hands and flutters onto the floor and suddenly, Azula just wants to see the world burn, but she knows how that would end. She doesn't want Ty Lee to be collateral, doesn't want her to get hurt, because Azula cares about her. But maybe Ozai was right, and love is just weakness. 

Right from the start, Azula was suspicious, but she trusted her. She should've known that there were too many coincidences appearing for it to be normal. She trusted that Ty Lee was being honest, that she wouldn't betray her again, and that she actually missed her. A watery laugh escapes Azula's lips as tears blind her vision and she hurriedly wipes them away. She was so _stupid_ to believe that Ty Lee came after her on her own accord, that Ty Lee actually missed her. The entire trip, Ty Lee being kind and supportive and helpful, was all a ruse for her to relay information back to Zuko. They never cared, not in her time at the hospital and not now. The anger at them fades, but the frustration and hate toward herself rises. _How could I be so fucking dumb?_ Azula wants to scream, wants to punch something, but instead she takes a deep breath and grabs the parchment from the ground. She places it on the desk and then begins to write and a chilling calmness, no _numbness_ , falls over her. And when her message is finished, she signs it and takes a step back. The Princess closes her eyes to remember this moment, the last she knows she'll see of Ty Lee, before she leaves the room and vanishes into the forest.

* * *

When Ty Lee stirs, she's surprised to find an ache in her back. As she opens her eyes and stretches, she remembers her position and her unfinished letter to Zuko. But looking down at the parchment in front of her, she realizes that that's not her handwriting, it's Azula's, and her eyes widen. _She knows, oh Agni, Azula knows_. Quickly, Ty Lee grabs a new piece of paper and writes a message to Zuko before she sends it off and jumps to her feet. Her body is slow and sluggish and her mind hasn't adjusted to the harsh sunlight but she doesn't care. With one hand grasping Azula's letter, she heads into the other room and finds nothing, not a trace of her Princess. The bed is perfectly made and there is not even a spec of dust in sight. She glances down at the letter, a scribbled warning note not to go after her, and wonders where Azula could've gone. 

_Fuck, I really messed up._

* * *

The local villagers warn her of a place called the Forgetful Valley, where the heartbroken go in search of refuge. They tell her that it's a very spiritual place, and most commoners never come back. Azula doesn't care, in fact it sounds perfect to her. She purchases a week's supply of food and heads toward the valley, a lifetime of memories rushing through her mind. At the forefront of them is Ty Lee, always Ty Lee, the only person who is Azula's weakness. As she makes camp for the night, she thinks back upon the one time Ty Lee had visited her and a chill runs through her body. She remembers the aftermath too well, she still has the scars after all.

_It was only a few weeks after she had been captured and forced into the institution. At this point, there was still fight in her and she would smash her head against the cell bars when someone said something that upset her. That is, until Ty Lee happens. The visit starts off fairly cordial, all betrayals considered, before Azula began to taunt her._

_"Ooh, now I know how you felt," Azula had cooed, "caged up like an animal. How was the Boiling Rock? Probably not comfortable with Mai's uncle gone, right?"_

_"Shut up," Ty Lee had shouted._

_But Azula felt nothing but hate and anger and wanted the girl to feel her wrath and kept pushing, "What? Did your family not want the circus freak back after they heard what you did?"_

_"Shut up, you monster!" Ty Lee broke, angry tears in her eyes, "I can't believe I stayed your friend for so long. You have done nothing but belittle me, manipulate my feelings, and treat me like a puppet. Choosing Mai over you was the best thing I ever did. You're a monster, Azula, and I tried to pretend you weren't for so long, but I'm done. You are a horrible excuse for a person, and you deserve to rot here for the rest of your life. I hate you."_

_That had shut her up real quick. Azula's mouth had dropped open for a second, before she managed to close her mouth but couldn't figure out anything to say. Sure, she had messed with Ty Lee before and been cruel, but she had never seen **her Ty Lee** look at her with so much disgust. Azula was beyond angry at her betrayal, but she didn't know Ty Lee hated her. Ty Lee, her best cheerleader, had given up on her before her treatment really began. No matter what, Ty Lee had always been in her corner, she was always there to support her. And now? She wanted Azula to rot for eternity, and Azula broke. A few moments passed in silence, save for Ty Lee's sniffling, before the acrobat had gotten up and left, flanked by the Royal Guards. _

_Azula had everything, the crown and power and her bending, and now she was trapped in a freezing cage and unable to even conjure an orange flame. When the guards brought her dinner that night, she hadn't eaten, her mind too far gone._

Present Azula remembers her thoughts, remembers why she did what she did, and cannot resist the urge to vomit as she keels over and pukes into the trees. 

_Past Azula thought she had it all figured out. She had taken lives before, knew that lightning could stop a man's heart in a way fire could not. She focused, and breathed in and out before conjuring blue sparks at the tips of her fingers. She thought back upon on how injured the Avatar and Zuko were when she had struck them in the middle of their torsos. If she struck at the right place, with the right intensity, she could stop her own heart. Azula had burned herself on purpose before, but the marks faded within time. She knew she couldn't burn herself to death, her own mind wouldn't let her. But lightning? Lighting was its own force, and didn't care about her intentions. It was energy, and Azula knew exactly how to use it._

_She had gulped and closed her eyes. Azula separated her poles, felt the energy pulse through body. She felt the warmth of the sparks on her fingertips and moved her hand toward her heart. She breathed in and thought of Zuko's broken, twitching body after the Agni Kai. And then she thought of the disgust in Ty Lee's beautiful, gray eyes, breathed out, and the entire room exploded in a flurry of sparks._

_When Azula had awoken, she had greedily gulped air and immediately saw white ceilings and white walls. The doctor told her about how she was dead for thirty seconds before the water benders brought her back, and that Fire Lord Zuko would be informed of what happened. Back then, Azula expected to see her brother within the next day. He doesn't show for another month, and the tiny hope she had that someone genuinely cared, disappeared._

Present Azula wipes her mouth as she sits back down. She thinks of her worst times, and how the same people brought her to her lowest points. She thinks and she thinks and she comes to realize that Zuko could pretend to care about her for appearances all he wanted, but he never really did. Their childhood separated them too much, and the damage was done. Because, Azula thinks, if Zuko cared he would have visited her the first time she tried to kill herself. If he cared, he would've visited more than once, he would've tried to get through to her. If he really cared, he wouldn't have sent the girl Azula loved after her, all in a ploy to get information. Zuko never cared.

And when the sun rises the next morning, Azula enters the Forgetful Valley and attempts to start anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! sorry updates are slow, i'm moving back to school and i work 40-50 hrs a week so life has been pretty hectic haha. i'm doing my best tho and i didn't forget abt y'all:)


	8. i care for you still and i will forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a brief look into azula's life in the forgetful valley as ty lee deals with the consequences of her actions

chapter eight

* * *

When she first enters the valley, Azula doesn’t think anything is amiss. The valley is immense, a dense forest in the middle of everything. Acres upon acres of trees separate the ends of the valley, and as Azula enters she can’t even see the other side. Sunlight begins to fade the further she walks, the light blocked by the leaves of the trees. She hears the chirping of birds and then, suddenly nothing. She can hear the buzz in her ears and is on high alert as she walks. Abruptly, an enormous blue animal sprints past her and the leaves it rustles as it runs is the only thing that makes Azula realize it's real. She watches it for a second before she hurries after it, perhaps it could be of use. It's hard to keep pace with its gigantic footsteps, but it helps that the beast is glowing. As it makes a sharp turn, Azula blinks and the spirit is gone.

She takes the time to examine her surroundings. The animal has lead her to a clearing with a pool of water in the middle. Tall trees loom over head but a beam of sunlight hits the center of the water. Azula doesn't hear the footsteps until it's too late, and wind hits her back. Cautiously, she turns and makes eye contact with a pair of eyes on the middle of the wolf spirit's chest. She tilts her head up and makes eye contact with the gigantic, glowing blue wolf. In response, the wolf howls into her face and blows her back a few steps. Azula digs her feet into the grass and puts her hands up in front of her face as the wolf stops. The beast stares at her for another moment before it turns and starts drinking from the water.

"Was that really necessary?" Azula murmurs as she fixes her clothing.

The wolf growls lowly as it stops drinking, and Azula raises her hands in surrender. She takes a few steps toward it before the wolf turns to her and opens its mouth. It breathes a flurry of moth wasp toward her and Azula quickly throws a lightning bolt in the opposite direction. By the time the wasps are gone, so is the wolf spirit and Azula is completely alone again. She huffs as she turns toward the utterly still body of water. Annoyed, she throws a stone across the water, leaving ripples of water behind it. Suddenly, the middle of the pond begins to glow and Azula curses under her breath and backs up. She raises two fingers, poised to attack, as an enormous humanoid tree rises from the water. Its head is horned and there are multiples faces around where its head should be.

"Human," the figure greets, "I am the Mother of Faces. Welcome to my domain, you've caught me at a fortunate time. I tolerate one wish per season. What is it that you want?"

"The Mother of Faces?" Azula raises an eyebrow, "I thought that was only legend. What exactly can you do?"

"Grant you a new face, or even a new life if you wish. I sense great pain within you," The Mother of Faces leans down toward her.

"And...this new life, what would it entail?" Azula cranes her neck to look up at her.

The Mother of Faces summons a new face, one with brown eyes and brown hair, so very plain, "You would remember nothing of this life and start anew. Perhaps in the village of Hira'a. Your life as a royal would be no more. And while those who know you would still know you, you would have no memory of them."

"Everyone I know...I would forget," Azula states and the spirit nods.

Azula takes a deep breath and recalls her first memory, of meeting Ty Lee and Mai at school. Of pushing the braided girl down in the garden. Of setting up Zuko and Mai. Of tirelessly chasing the Avatar and sleeping shoulder-to-shoulder in tiny tents. Of feelings so delicate that she was afraid to ever acknowledge them, in fear of crushing them. Of the betrayal at the Boiling Rock and the aftermath. 

"I've made up my mind," Azula tells her.

And she changes the course of her life.

* * *

When Ty Lee realizes that Azula left her the ship, she's back in the capital within a week. Consequences be damned, she walks into Zuko's office and slams the doors open. In front of her is the oh, so great Fire Lord, who Ty Lee really wants to punch in the face right now. And so she does. It's a swift punch, one straight to his stupid, scarred eye, and then she's back across the room before he can grab her.

"What the fuck?" Zuko growls as he clutches his eye.

"That's for the shit you did to your sister," Ty Lee scowls, "you're such a shitty excuse for a brother."

"What the hell? You can't talk to me that way," Zuko clenches his fists.

"And why not? Who's going to keep your giant ass ego in check, because it seems like your girlfriend isn't doing that. Azula told me all about her time in the hospital, you visited her once, Zuko? She was there for five years, you're her _brother_. And don't even try to pull the "I'm busy" card, because if you have time to fuck your girlfriend, you have time to go a hour south and talk to your sister. Do you know what they did to her? How they fucking abused her? How the guards would take turns passing her around like a goddamn Frisbee so they could kick the life out of her? Steel-toed boots, really? You didn't think that maybe sending the Crown Princess to a random hospital was a bad idea? I fucked up, and I know that, but I was her friend, you're her brother. You're the only family she has left," Ty Lee screams at him.

The anger deflates out of Zuko and he pinches the bridge of his nose, "I messed up, okay? I get it."

"I don't think you do," Ty Lee presses, "because if you realized it, you wouldn't have ordered me to follow her and to report back to you. You would have tried to get to know her yourself, instead of sending someone to do your dirty work. I have never loved someone as much as I love Azula, and now she's gone and we have no way of finding her. We both messed up, but at least I'm trying."

Zuko doesn't respond, just swallows. The two stare at each for a second before Zuko looks away, "What do you suggest we do then? Sending a search party wouldn't exactly be subtle."

"Then stop trying to find her. She knows where we are, if she wants to be found, she will be. She's not a monster Zuko, she was so hesitant to use her bending around me. She has more control now, maybe she's not the same but it's not bad. She needs time to be free, without someone chasing her," Ty Lee sighs, "I should've told her, before this all blew up. I should've told her I was lying, but I can't change the past. And chasing her and forcing her to listen to me won't help anyone. She's been forced to do this and do that for the past nineteen years of her life. She needs time."

"You sound awfully calm about all of this," Zuko says.

"I had my breakdown on the ship," Ty Lee gives him a tight smile, "but listen to me Zuko. I love her. And I have waited my entire life for her, and I will wait the rest of it if needed. But I can't force her to forgive me, I can't force her to love me back, and I know that. All we can do is give her time to make her own decisions. We just have to be there for her, whenever she comes back."

* * *

A month passes before Ty Lee sends the first letter, and she isn't sure if the hawk will even be able to find her Princess, but she sends it either way. The hawk comes back empty-handed, but the letter is gone and that is enough confirmation for her. Each week, she writes Azula a letter about her week including every dumb thing that might make Azula laugh and all of the big events. Two months with no response, and soon enough it is Azula's birthday. She sends a simple note, "a happy birthday, we miss you" kind of thing and doesn't expect anything in return. Instead, she gets a ripped piece of parchment from Azula: _stop wasting paper, dummy. thank you for the birthday wishes, i'll be back to celebrate eventually, i promise._

On the third month of Azula's disappearance, Ty Lee starts to get fragments of newspapers delivered to her desk. They're all about the same woman, just different scenarios. A woman saves a child from a burning village, a woman saves a forest from burning, even prevents a volcano from completely exploding. There's no name attached, but Ty Lee knows they're all about her Princess, just from the physical descriptions alone.

"Never took you for the hero type," Ty Lee speaks out loud one morning, her eyes locked on the paper.

"Don’t get used to it," another, very familiar voice speaks up and Ty Lee startles.

When she looks up, Ty Lee feels like she’s in a dream. Azula, her Azula, stands in the doorframe of her office with her arms crossed across her body. She looks good, back in the royal colors and with her hair pinned up. Her face looks tanner and fuller, and there’s still her signature smirk on her lips. There’s life in her eyes again and she truly looks content. Without hesitation, Ty Lee gets up and launches herself at Azula, who manages to hold her as Ty Lee leaps into her arms. With her legs wrapped around Azula’s waist and her hands behind her neck, Ty Lee squeezes the girl and refuses to let go.

”I’m so sorry,” Ty Lee starts, “I promise it wasn’t my choice but I know I should've told you about it and I shouldn’t have kept it a secret and I really messed up and I understand if you don’t forgive me. But, I missed you and I’m just really glad you’re alive and okay.”

Azula just makes a “mhm” noise and strokes her hair as Ty Lee clings to her. The Princess doesn’t respond, just walks them both over to Ty Lee’s desk and carefully sets her down, but Ty Lee refuses to let go.

”I missed you too,” Azula murmurs, “wasn’t the same without you.”

”Where did you go? What did you do? And why? I just-“ Ty Lee pulls back and cuts herself off when she sees the amused smile on Azula’s lips.

”I was near Hira’a for a while. Spent some time in the Forgetful Valley,” Azula’s brows furrow in thought, “almost started over, but I couldn’t. I was offered a chance to start over, you know. A chance to forget everything and to become a new person.”

”And you didn’t take it? Why?” Ty Lee says.

”What is a life without you in it?” Azula says seriously and her gaze is so intense that Ty Lee thinks _fuck it_ and leans forward to kiss her.

Azula doesn’t even hesitate to respond and Ty Lee melts into the kiss. If the world ended now, Ty Lee would be happy because she had the love of her life back in her arms. Reluctantly, the acrobat pulls back after a moment to look at the Princess.

”Are we...okay? Are you mad?” Ty Lee anxiously bites her lip.

With her thumb, Azula coaxes Ty Lee’s lip out from her teeth and it is so hot that Ty Lee thinks she might combust into flames. The motion is so automatic and so domestic that Ty Lee wants to scream, but barely manages not to.

”I was. For a while. And then I meditated more on it and realized why you did what you did. I’m still furious at Zuko,” Azula’s eyes narrow, “but I realized you didn’t really have a choice in the matter. Was...everything true though? Or did it start as a lie?”

”When I found you on the docks, I was terrified but I did miss you. And the more I spent time with you, the more I realized you had grown and I fell back in love with you,” Ty Lee admits, “I am in love with you still. And I think I will be for the rest of my life, you’re it for me.”

”Good. You’re it for me too,” Azula smiles, that soft little smile she saves just for her, “are you busy right now?”

”No, not at all.”

”Good, come with me, I’m tired after my journey.”

” _Azula,_ are you asking me to sleep with you?” Ty Lee teases.

”Of course,” Azula states it as if there was no question about it, “I can tell you all about what I was up to when I was gone.”

”Charming as ever,” Ty Lee smiles.

”Charming? Oh, I can show you charming,” there’s a wicked glint in her eyes.

And as Azula picks her up, Ty Lee thinks that the wait was worth it, because her Princess looks so happy and so healthy that she would wait forever for her if she asked. This was it, and Ty Lee knew she would never want anyone else. They were perfect together, and Azula was all she needed.


	9. midnight memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a look back at azula's time in the institute

chapter nine

* * *

"I can't believe you saved so many people," Ty Lee gushes as they lay together.

Ty Lee's head is placed on her stomach and Azula absentmindedly runs her finger through her hair. The acrobat rarely let her hair down and Azula wanted to take advantage of this rare occasion. Her gaze is locked on the ceiling as she tries to find the words to say.

"I didn't do it to be a hero," Azula blurts out, "I'll save the bumbling heroics for the Avatar and his peasant crew. It was just a timing thing, I didn't want anyone to die."

"Still, you stopped a volcano from exploding," Ty Lee says, her eyes full of stars.

Azula shakes her head, "I was present for it, yes. But I can't bend lava, I'd never heard of anyone doing that until some guy showed up and did it. I was only there to contain wildfire, but by the time the volcano was contained he was gone. I saw him earth bend, I'm guessing it's a subset? But who knows."

"My hero," Ty Lee coos.

Azula rolls her eyes, "Shut up, you sound like a moron."

Ty Lee pouts and Azula laughs at her, but the circus girl makes no move to get away. They sit in silence for a few moments, the rays of sunlight in the room slowly fading. When the room is dark, Ty Lee adjusts herself and Azula can tell she wants to talk more.

"Well? Spit it out," Azula says.

"What was the Forgetful Valley like? I've heard it's dangerous. What were you shown that made you keep going?" Ty Lee asks.

"Well, I was shown a variety of moments throughout my life. From the first time I met you to coming back to Caldera and everything in between."

"Were you shown what happened to you in the asylum? I know you don't remember all of it."

Azula hums, "Yes. Quite a bit of the sessions we used to have."

"Tell me about them."

"Well..."

* * *

_The first time Azula meets her doctor, she's confined by a straitjacket and has a muffle over her mouth. Her hair feels greasy and she can't remember the last time she had a bath. Her doctor doesn't seem bothered by her appearance and has a soft smile on her lips. She has brown eyes and there are a few wrinkles around her mouth but other than that, she seems too young to be a doctor. She dismisses the guards instantly as Azula thinks of ways to get out of her predicament._

_"You could try to leave right now," her doctor shrugs, "you could even shoot lightning at me and kill me. But what will you do if you manage to get out? All you can do is run. You won't have the throne, you won't have your friends, you won't have your title. You won't have anything. And from Fire Lord Zuko has told me, the Avatar was debating taking your bending away. If you leave and get caught, which would definitely happen, you won't have your bending. And then you'll be right back here, albeit with someone new as your doctor."_

_Azula can't help the way her eyes widen and her doctor chuckles, "My job is understanding the mentally ill, Azula. And understanding people who the rest of the world has turned their back on. I don't believe you're crazy, not at all. Frankly, your military prowess and intelligence is something to be proud of. But your downfall was also what other people considered your biggest strength. You think you're a people person, don't you?"  
_

_Azula struggles against her restraints as the doctor continues, unpressed by Azula's anger, "But in the end, you tripped over your own ego. You assumed that because you presented as strong and superior people would be unwavering in their loyalty. Yet, that's not how people work. You assumed that you could rule with fear, and people betrayed you because they believed in love more. Friendships aren't built purely on logic. Love is not logical. Have you truly experienced it?"_

_"Trust is for fools, love is for fools," Azula growls._

_"Was your father capable of love? Or were you just a pawn to him?"_

_Azula throws herself forward at the doctor and thrashes around, "Shut up, shut up."_

_The doctor steps back and Azula slams against the ground, "Did your mother love you?"_

_"Shut up," Azula screeches and breathes and the muzzle around her mouth turns to ash._

_The doctor jumps away as the room is bathed in blue light. Flames lick at the doctor's feet as Azula thrashes and screams, blue fire emitting from her mouth. Guards instantly rush in and within seconds, Azula is limp and unconscious on the ground. The doctor sighs as they take her back to her room and their session ends for the day._

_Their sessions go the same way for weeks until the breakthrough comes a week after Ty Lee's final visit. Azula's doctor can see the visible change in her, she hunches over inside of the straitjacket. She looks gaunt and there are extra buckles on the contraption to account for her weight loss. Her hair is greasy and the doctor knows instantly that it's because she's been refusing to let others touch her. Her doctor can even see the edges of pink scars from her lightning on her collarbone._

_"He never loved me," Azula is the first to speak and the doctor badly hides her shock, "I don't think anyone ever did. My own mother thought I was a monster, she was right of course but it still hurt."_

_"I...I am glad you realize that. Let's talk about that-"_

* * *

"I love you," Ty Lee interrupts, "I hope you know that. And Zuko does too, even if he's an idiot."

"Mhm," Azula doesn't verbally respond but Ty Lee doesn't press her.

Ty Lee squeezes Azula's hand, "I punched him in the face when I came here. That's the least he deserves, but I didn't think I could go for the groin or Mai would murder me in my sleep."

Azula chuckles, "Maybe I'll give him a black eye to match his scar."

And Ty Lee giggles and giggles and it isn't that funny of a joke, but Azula feels her heart fill with warmth at the sound. Maybe it isn't the best to laugh at violence toward her only living relative, but if Ty Lee thinks it's funny Azula can't be that crazy.

"Sorry, continue," Ty Lee says breathlessly.

* * *

_It's two years into her sentence and Azula's doctor is visibly worried when Azula is escorted into their designated room without the usual straitjacket on. It's obvious that Azula is being supported by the guards because as soon as the guards let her go, her legs give out and she falls onto the floor. The guards lean her against the wall and she stares up at her doctor with glassy eyes._

_"Still no luck?" Azula's doctor crouches down next to her._

_"I can't bend at all," Azula croaks, "not even a red flame."_

_"Maybe it's the lack of nutrients? Or-"_

_"I was on the road for months tracking the Avatar down with little food and substance. It's not the environment. It's me," Azula mumbles._

_"Princess Azula," her doctor says, "maybe there is another method."_

_"It's useless. All of this," she weakly waves her hand in the air, "it's no use. Why don't you let me die?"_

_"Agni, why would we do that?"_

_"I can't bend and that is the only thing that makes me worth something. You said it yourself, I'm nothing without the crown-"_

_"-Well I didn't say that, but-"_

_"And it's not like Zuzu is coming around to let me out anytime. It's useless."_

_"Maybe talking will help."_

_Azula doesn't say anything for the rest of the session._

* * *

"How long did you lose your bending for?" Ty Lee asks.

By now, they've changed positions so that Ty Lee is curled into her side. One of Azula's arms is at her side while the other is wrapped around Ty Lee. The acrobat has thrown one of her legs over Azula's and quietly traces patterns on Azula's sternum. The Princess sighs and tightens her hold on her.

"I don't really remember, time kind of blends together. Five years is a long time, Ty, and I didn't have my bending for what felt like forever," Azula says.

Ty Lee presses a kiss to the side of her neck, "How did you get it back?"

"I don't know what triggered it. One day, I just woke up and I could do it again," Azula shrugs.

"You're lying," Ty Lee murmurs.

"...I know."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it right now, just don't lie to me, okay? No more games."

"No more games."

"Bed time?" Ty Lee asks as Azula yawns.

The Princess nods and within minutes is sound asleep, a snoring Ty Lee sprawled across her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorty but i wanted to get a chapter out for you guys. as always if u wanna yell at me abt atla or lok you can on my tumblr @ aspenroman :)


	10. everything is fine and nothing matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azula and zuko fight.
> 
> u guys might hate me after this lol.

chapter ten

* * *

The sun has barely risen in the sky when Azula untangles herself from Ty Lee. She stretches her arms above her head before donning a robe over her underclothes. Slipping on shoes, she sneaks out into the hallway. Yesterday when she arrived, Azula had only spoken to servants in order to get new clothing, but she knew she had to talk to her brother eventually. Rolling her shoulders back, the Crown Princess steels herself and walks down the hallway, trying to somewhat resemble the fearsome girl she used to be. It's been years since she commanded attention the way she used to, because now she's trying to be less pretentious (at Ty Lee's prodding). She's a shell of her former self, but Azula doesn't know if that's exactly a bad thing.

Fear never got her anywhere, maybe love will.

Portraits of all the former Fire Lords line the walls of the main hall, the tapestries so large that they loom over her. As she walks, Azula's eyes catch the second newest portrait, a painting of her father. She stops and stares up at it. Azula hadn't seen her father at all until his death, but she was told of his condition by guards with loose lips. Her brother hadn't even allowed her the opportunity to see their dying father until the funeral. She couldn't even get close to him or send him off with her own fire. Instead, Zuko and Iroh had done it, and she was forced to the outskirts. While at this point in her life Azula was questioning whether Ozai had cared for her or not, he was still her father. And Azula would despise her brother for that for the rest of her life.

Azula can feel her blood boil, can feel the anger swell in her like a balloon. She swallows and closes her eyes, clenching her left hand. When she opens her eyes, she looks over at the portrait of her brother. His scarred face is prominent, the red of his scar only a shade lighter than his robes. He has his hands raised on either side of him, in the imitation of scale. His hair is up in a topknot and there are bags under his eyes that even the painting can't hide. _What a sorry excuse for a Fire Lord._

With a sigh, she turns from the portraits and continues down the hall. Before she can get to her brother's office, she sees a plume of orange flames from the training yard and changes directions. The morning air is a nice change to her warm skin and as she gets closer to the yard, she can see her brother going through katas. He's moving fluidly, but his breathing is off and she can see he's breathing heavily. 

"Some things never change," Azula shouts, "your form is still shitty."

Zuko stumbles and nearly loses his balance as he turns to look at her. He only has on cloth pants and is barefoot, while sweat pours down his bare chest. His hair is pulled into a topknot but stray hairs fall into his face. He looks more like the boy he knew than the man he supposedly became. When he sees her, his face breaks out into a toothy smile and he runs over to greet her.

"Don't," Azula commands when he opens his arms to embrace her.

"Azula..." Zuko frowns but lets his arms drop.

"I only came to tell you that I've arrived back at the palace. No thanks to you," Azula tells him.

Zuko's lips press together, "I did everything I could-"

"Bullshit. All you've done is put your supposed "duty" above your blood, time and time again," she can feel her voice raising, but she doesn't care.

"Well when my family is comprised of murderers, it's a little hard to put them first," Zuko argues.

"When will you get it through your thick skull that we were at war, we all were! It's war, people die, shit happens," Azula snarls, "I did what I had to to survive."

"That's what you always say, when will you take responsibility for your actions?"

"I took responsibility! I was in a asylum for five years, the doctors said I could've been released mid-way through the _third._ You were the one who left me there to rot."

"Maybe I should have."

Zuko says and then an ashen look appears on his face as he realizes what he said. A pang of hurt sounds in her chest, but Azula pushes it down in favor of anger. The rage burns through her and she screams as she shoots a blue fire ball at her brother's face. He barely manages to block it as Azula backflips away to get more space between them. 

“Azula,” Zuko shouts as if he means to discipline her, but summons orange fire daggers in both hands.

"You didn't let me see Father until he was dead, and I couldn't be within twenty feet of him," Azula whips a line of fire down toward him.

Zuko narrowly dodges, but it's obvious he's out-of-practice, "He was dying fast, there was no way to get to you in time."

"No, you were scared that we'd plot something and you refused to let us see each other. He was my _father_ and I didn't even get to send him off in the traditional way," Azula says.

Zuko rolls onto the ground as Azula throws an onslaught of blue fireballs toward him. Zuko sprints toward her, and a stray fireball catches a nearby tree on fire. The anger courses through her and she lets it. _He doesn’t deserve the throne, he doesn’t deserve it, you do,_ her mind screams. 

He leaps and throws a wall of fire toward her. In response, Azula merely waves her hand and the flames dissipate. 

"I'm better than you Zuzu, always have been and always will be," Azula taunts.

Zuko growls and shoots a stream of fire toward her. Azula laughs as she easily leaps over it, the scene reminding her of her first fight with the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors. As they continue to fight, Zuko gets more and more angry and his attacks get sloppier and sloppier. He's breathing harder and harder, and it doesn't help that Azula is refreshed and hadn't been practicing for hours. 

"I don't know if you got it into your head that we'd have some sibling bond or some shit when you had me released, but you were wrong. We will never be like those water peasants," Azula tells him.

"Shut up, shut up," Zuko rages and his fire becomes hotter and his attacks more deranged.

He doesn't move like a traditional fire bender, Azula notices as she dances around his attacks. At moments he's as grounded as an earthbender while he seems to incorporate movements from the waterbenders. He's an amalgamation of different bending styles and while that makes him more unpredictable, it's obvious he hasn't mastered any. 

"You're just as pathetic as you were," Azula snarls, "you're a kid playing king. Have you seen the colonies? The way they've melded with earthbenders and mixed? Have you seen the fishing villages? The way they starve in the off-seasons?"

"Like you would be any better," Zuko yells as Azula leaps and flames shoot from her feet as she flies over him.

"I would be ten times the Fire Lord you are," Azula says as she neatly lands and dodges a fire fist from her brother, "I was raised for this. You were busy on some fake quest to find the Avatar for years."

"No, you're just a monster. I don't know what Ty Lee sees in you," Zuko tells her as his left pant leg catches on fire.

"Leave her out of this," Azula orders as sparks fly between her fingertips.

Zuko takes a deep breath and changes his stance as he sees the sparks, "The circus freak and the monster, what a couple."

 _Monster, monster, monster,_ her mind plays the word on repeat and she loses it. Azula screeches as she sends a crackling bolt of lightning toward her brother. Zuko catches it on one hand and moves it easily through his body. Without even thinking, he angrily directs it back to his sister. As the lightning leaves his fingers, his eyes widen and he rushes forward. _She can't direct lightning, she can't direct lightning, holy shit,_ Zuko thinks as he rushes forward.

"Azula," Zuko yells and outstretches his hand.

His protests stop on his tongue as he watches Azula catch the lightning and quickly re-direct it toward the sky. It’s far from perfect, but she feels mostly unharmed and Azula counts it as a victory.

"You're not the only one who learned a few things over the years," Azula smirks. 

Zuko's fear morphs back into anger at her taunting look and he summons fire daggers again to throw at his sister. The edge of her robe catches on fire as Azula dodges and the flames lick at her skin as she pats it out. The anger begins to die down, but now she finds it sick how much enjoyment she’s getting out of taunting her self-righteous brother. _Never said I’d be sister of the year, but at least I’m honest,_ Azula thinks.

"You don't get it, do you?" Azula says, "You just showed up and took my birthright. You threw me into a hole to die for _five years._ You didn't let me see my own father as he was dying. Who's the monster now?"

Zuko wails in anger, the noise sounding like a wounded armadillo bear as he suddenly kicks out with his feet and Azula stumbles back a few feet. Her older brother continues his barrage and a blade of flames appears out of nowhere and Azula brings her arms up at the last moment to protect her face from being burnt. The skin on her forearms burns and she can feel the pain emitting through her whole body. She has to end this, and soon.

"You wouldn't understand Azula, maybe it could've been different," Zuko says, a tone of finality in his voice, "but you should know I'm sorry for sending her after you. I know and you know, she never loved you. She only feared you."

 _She never loved you_ reverberates around her skull and _no, no, no_ _that can’t be true, Ty Lee loves me...right?_ And Azula snaps because his words bring her back to the Boiling Rock, where everything she had came crumbling down. Her whole body shakes as she gathers the last of her energy and charges her flame into a bigger and bigger ball. With one last shout, she shoots an enormous comet of purple fire toward her brother. She watches as he summons a fire shield, but it's not enough as the shield breaks and he's thrown back by the force of the blow. When the smoke clears, her brother lays over ten feet away, a crater in the ground, and completely motionless. 

Azula takes a shaky step forward, her body pulsing with over-exertion. The distance between her and her brother seems so far but she takes it step-by-step. With a deep inhale, Azula looks around the courtyard where some trees are still on fire and tiles have fallen off of the roofs from them trying to dodge. 

The scene reminds her of their Agni Kai, which was ruined by the water peasant, and it makes her chest feel like lead. Maybe in another life it could’ve been different. But Azula knows, here and now, there’s no repairing their relationship, too much had happened.

She waves her hand and the flames on the trees disappear and dark, pitch black smoke rises into the air. The servants would be here soon to investigate the smoke. The golden-eyed girl knows she doesn't have much time.

Soon, she looms over her unconscious brother and stares down at him. In one hand, she summons a blade of blue fire and stares down at him. _I could end it, I could end all of this right now and take the throne and Ty Lee and I would be safe and-,_ Azula glances down at the old lightning scar on his sternum. _I caused that,_ she realizes. Weakly, her brother opens his eyes and looks up at her.

"You don't deserve her," is all Zuko says and Azula resists the urge to laugh at his audacity.

"No, I don't," Azula says simply and extinguishes the flame, "but I will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of her love, and that is enough for me."

Zuko blinks and Azula is surprised at the tears that well in his eyes. He blearily looks around the courtyard and seems to realize all the destruction they’ve caused. Then, he looks at her and her growing bruises and burned arms and bites his lip, “I'm sorry, Azula. I really am. I thought that maybe we could be better, maybe we could be siblings."

"No. You're sorry because you got caught. You were envious of those Water Tribe peasants and wanted that relationship with me. Mind you, you didn't try and I didn't either. I tried to kill you, but you did the same to me. I didn't lock you up, I didn't put you in a hole and forget about you, I didn't prevent you from going to the funeral of your father. You did Zuko. And while Ty Lee said I should give you a matching scar, I think you having to deal with what you’ve done is enough for me.”

"Azula, I'm sorry," Zuko is crying now and Azula almost gags at his emotion, “please, let’s start over. We can forget what happened to us. We can be siblings.”

“It’s too late for that," Azula shakes her head, "goodbye Zuko."

With a sigh, Azula turns and glances down at her dirtied and burned robes. She glances back up and suddenly a bundle of pink grabs her and brings her into a hug. She feels gentle hands rub her back and Azula relaxes into the touch.

"Hi, I saw everything, are you alright?" Ty Lee murmurs, her voice an anchor that Azula's sluggish mind clings to.

"Are you mad?" Is all Azula says. 

Ty Lee laughs, the sound light and clear, "I mean you didn't kill him, but you guys kind of destroyed the courtyard. I can't tell you how to deal with your family issues, you just have to follow your heart. I don't talk to my family anymore, but I'm happy. I know you care about Zuko, even after everything and that's okay. But you've both done some bad things, he more than you. I think some time apart is good."

"Emotions are gross," Azula mumbles and Ty Lee pulls back to kiss her nose.

"Sometimes," Ty Lee smiles up at her, "sometimes they're fun."

"Can you get me a healer?" Azula slurs.

"Yeah, of cours-" Ty Lee starts.

But then Azula passes out and everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this chapter was hella long and this author's note will be long too haha. 
> 
> first off, this story has always been a mix of angst and hurt/comfort to me. there's a lot of bad in azula's life and if it seems like i'm an azula apologist, i'm not trying to but at the same time it might happen. zuko is more of a villain in this story, but it's because azula has always been someone who finds someone else to blame. the narrator (her) isn't perfect and she's going to be biased and stuff. i think in this story zuko has done a lot of bad, and azula has never been good at forgiving so. we’re in her perspective, and she’s not great at letting go.
> 
> secondly, we hit over 400 kudos and i can't even possibly begin to explain my thankfulness. i've always loved writing and used to write on wattpad (lol) and even had a story go viral, but stopped over six years ago. ive really been keeping stuff close to my chest and i tried my hand at writing fanfiction maybe three years ago, but then ended up deleting everything. ATLA has really been my re-introduction to writing online and writing fanfiction. so thank you. thank you for the love, for the support, for everything, im only 18 but this makes my day every time i see the comments or kudos. truly im honored.
> 
> as always, have a good one and feel free to yell at me abt fanfiction or whatever if u want <3 (tumblr @ aspenroman)


	11. baby came home again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they were inevitable, as are the best love stories

chapter eleven

* * *

When Azula finally woke up, it was the next day. Her arms felt heavy and sore, almost like they were made of lead, and as soon as she stirred a body launched itself at her. Without thinking, Azula returned the hug, there would only be one person foolish to do such a thing anyway.

"I was so worried," Ty Lee murmured and kissed her temple, "you are never allowed to do anything like that again, no more Agni Kais."

"It wasn't technically an Agni Kai-," Azula started but saw the look on Ty Lee's face, "okay, okay, I won't."

"The healers said your arms might be a little discolored but there won't be any other long-term effects," Ty Lee said and pulled back so she was straddling her.

"You should have seen the other guy," Azula smirked.

Ty Lee poked her shoulder, "You're awful, you know that?"

"But you love me," Azula said and then her eyes widened at what she said.

"I do," Ty Lee didn't hesitate, "even though you're grumbly and cold and you're mean sometimes. But I wouldn't change you even if I could."

"Good," Azula swallowed, "you're stuck with me."

Ty Lee giggled and then leaned down and connected their lips. Azula reacted immediately and although her arms were sore, it didn't stop her from reaching up with her left hand and entangled it with Ty Lee's soft, flowing hair. She rarely had it down and only in private, and a feeling of pride swelled in Azula's chest because she knew she was the only one that got to see the acrobat like that. Tugging her closer, Ty Lee moaned against her lips as she rested both hands on Azula's collarbones. Their bodies were pushed together, but the urge to get even closer consumed her. It wasn't enough, and a low fire begin to burn in Azula's stomach. She pulled back for a second and examined Ty Lee above her, pupils blown out and chest rising and falling at a harsher pace than normal. 

"You are so beautiful," Azula whispered and used her free hand to cup her face.

Ty Lee flushed scarlet and ducked her head shyly, "Thank you, Princess."

With a wicked smile, Azula leaned up to kiss her again and just as they were about to, a knock sounded on the door. With a groan, Azula pulls back from Ty Lee and the giggling girl buries her head in Azula's chest.

"What is it?" Azula snaps.

"Princess Azula, the Fire Lord humbly requests your presence at this morning's breakfast," the voice called.

"Fine. We'll be there." her tone leaves no room for other comments and she hears the padding of feet as the servant leaves.

"I hate court politics," Azula moans and Ty Lee giggles again, "what?"

"It's been a long time since you've been this, I don't know, so carefree. You're speaking your mind, I like it," Ty Lee tells her.

Azula rolls her eyes, "It's only because I trust you, darling. Now, those half-witted idiots out there? I could never."

"I suppose we should get ready," Ty Lee mumbles into her neck.

Azula grunts in agreement and it's not until a few minutes later that Ty Lee rolls off of Azula and stretches. As she sits up, Azula feels the knot in her back and crick in her neck and frowns. She doesn't say anything though as she swings her legs off of the side of the bed and stands up. Her legs ache under her weight and she just knows she'll be sore for the next few days. Ty Lee is dressed in her pink clothes from yesterday and Azula merely shakes her head as she hands her one of her robes. The look on Ty Lee's face is worth it, how her eyes light up like a child's and she smiles. She slips on the robe as Azula slips her favorite one on, thankfully still in the same place she left it, over her underclothes. As she smooths out her sleeves, Azula is thankful she brought one of her regular robes out into the yard yesterday.

"Um, Princess," Ty Lee doesn't look at her as Azula runs her hands through her hair to work out any tangles, "how are we going to do this?"

"We're going to walk to the dining hall like normal people and eat?" Azula glances over at her.

"I mean, we're together right?" A stiff nod from Azula, "Then can I hold your hand or...or is that not okay?"

 _Sickening,_ her father would've said, _two girls dating. That's repulsive, why, they can't even have kids-_

"You can if you want, that's okay with me," Azula tells her because no matter what other people have said, she is not her father.

Ty Lee lights up like the lanterns they had released all those months ago, "Okay."

Ty Lee skips across the room to her and stretches out her left hand. Wordlessly, Azula slips her hand into hers and intertwines their fingers as they head out of her room. They walk down the hallway, Ty Lee telling some ridiculous story about something that happened when she was in the circus and Azula tries her best to listen. _It's strange that he required us to come, usually we're there on our own accord. The official decree was certainly suspicious,_ Azula thought as the servants opened the door for them and everything clicked into place. In front of them, the Avatar and his band of misfits sat around the table. Zuko was at the head of the table and a too-large robe was on him. Azula knew it was only to hide the bandages that were from their fight but she could see the white edges poking out from under his collar. At his left was the Avatar while the chair to his right was empty.

"It's a symbol," Azula leans in and whispers to Ty Lee, "it's all about giving them a show. Zuzu wants me to sit to the right of him, to show we're a united front and that I will be his servant. Ha."

"What are you going to do?" Ty Lee says as the servants announce their presence and everyone turns to look at them.

"Wreck some havoc," Azula smirks and Ty Lee smiles with stars in her eyes.

Wordlessly, Azula sits down one side of the table, next to the blind girl, and Ty Lee takes the seat next to her. In a surprising act of subservience, Azula picks items from the breakfast feast for Ty Lee first before she makes her own plate. It's such a simple act but Azula doesn't even realize she's done it until Ty Lee squeals quietly. 

"Thank you, Princess," Ty Lee murmurs, so soft that only she can hear, and squeezes her thigh.

This time, Azula's face turns pink as she dumbly nods and stares down at her plate. She can hear the Avatar and his friends talking about this and that, but cannot bring herself to care. Next to her, the blind girl suddenly snorts with laughter and Azula side-eyes her.

"What's got you in such a good mood, earthbender?" Azula comments and takes a bite of her duck egg.

"They're all acting like it's a funeral instead of a meal," the dirtied girl says, "I don't know what happened between you and your brother, but Aang demanded we all eat together to make sure you wouldn't try anything."

Azula smirks, "And Aang is the ponytail then?"

"I mean, I wouldn't know," she dramatically waves her hand in front of her eyes, "I can't see. But he has tattoos from what Katara has told me."

"Oh? He's the Avatar," Azula says.

The earthbender snorts, "You didn't know?"

"We were at war," Azula shrugs and snaps her fingers to get a servant when she sees Ty Lee's cup is getting low, "not like I made it a mission to learn my enemies' names."

"Fair point, Platypus Bear," she says, "it's Toph by the way."

"A pleasure," Azula says dryly.

"Ooh, I like you," Toph grins and Azula can't help but chuckle.

"I'd like you better if you took regular baths," Azula tells her.

Ty Lee tugs on her sleeve and Azula raises her hands in surrender, "I was kidding."

She turns her head to her partner and smiles innocently at her. Ty Lee doesn't buy it, not one bit, but lessens up when Azula leans in and kisses her on the cheek. She isn't even aware of what she's done, casual affection with Ty Lee has become more and more instinctual and easy, until she hears the gasps in the room.

"When did this happen?" the waterbender, Katara, says if what Toph said was correct.

Azula puts her silverware down and smiles, "Finally! I was waiting for you to speak up. I've felt your eyes on us the entire time. And you're going to have to specify, waterbender."

"You and her," Katara gestures.

Azula shrugs but holds Ty Lee's hand under the table, "We were inevitable. I think everyone knew that."

"I just didn't...I mean," Katara trails off.

"You've never seen two girls kiss?" Azula laughs, but the sound is cold and grating, "Didn't know you were all _that_ uncivilized in your tribe."

Katara's eyes flash with anger but before she can say anything, her brother leans forward, "Don't talk about our home like that."

"Ah, yes, the igloos," is all she says because Ty Lee twists her fingers under the table to make her play nice.

"Well, at least we're not murderers," Katara yells at her.

"Oh Agni, you're trying this argument? Just ask Zuzu and you'll find out how that went yesterday," Azula smiles, teeth bared.

Immediately, all of the Avatar's gang turns toward Zuko. His eyes widen when he sees all the attention is on him and laughs nervously. 

"Zuko, what happened?" the Avatar asks, his voice still as annoying and soft as Azula remembered.

"We got into an argument and fought," Zuko can't keep the frustration out of his tone, "we both said some things we regret-"

"I regret nothing," Azula inter cuts.

Zuko sighs, "Fine. Then _I_ said some things _I_ regret. Things were physical-"

"And he got his ass kicked," Azula finishes.

From across the table, Zuko glares at her and Azula stares back full of amusement. She forgot how fun it was to mess with these insignificant people. The Avatar seems to be deep in though as he stares at his plate while Toph flicks specks of dirt off of her arms and onto the table. Azula can't help but curl her nose up in disgust at the younger girl's actions. Then, she watches the ponytail-ed boy glance between Azula and her brother before he leans forward in his chair.

"She tried to kill you," he accuses.

"Sokka!" Katara cries out.

"Don't be so accusatory, he tried to kill me too," Azula shrugs, as if the topic is as boring as the weather, "it happens."

"It's true, Sokka, that's just how we are as siblings," Zuko says and Azula can't help but scoff at his words.

All heads turn toward her but she says nothing and instead takes a drink from her glass. A moment passes and she watches as her brother deflates and puts his head in his hands. Immediately, the waterbender’s attention is on him and a look of concern appears on her face. _Interesting,_ Azula notes.

"I know what you said yesterday, but I was hoping it was a spur of the moment thing," Zuko admits.

And while Azula would've preferred if their annoying sibling talk wasn't in public, she merely shrugs, "I don't do things I don't want to do. I could've killed you and you know that."

"I know," Zuko confirms, "I'm sorry, again."

Azula ignores him, "Well as lovely as this was, let's never do it again. I think Ty Lee and I are full. We're leaving."

Once again, her tone leaves no room for comments and no one even tries as they stand up. Azula makes sure to grab Ty Lee's hand and intertwine their fingers, in plain view of Katara, as the servants open the door and they leave the dining hall and the drama behind them. The duo are quiet for a few minutes as Azula leads them outside.

"I didn't know they were all going to, like, gang up on you," Ty Lee's eyebrows scrunch together in annoyance. 

Azula waves the concern off, "I had my suspicions when we were summoned. It went as well as it could have, I suppose."

Ty Lee hums as they make their way over to the tree they used to play in when they were kids. She twirls away from Azula's side but keeps their hands intertwined as she drags her to the tree. She's all bubbles and giggles and Azula never knew she could bring another human anything but pain until her. It warms her chest, almost like there's a constant flame in her rib cage when she's around the circus girl.

"What ever happened to Mai?" Azula asks, the question that had been in her mind for months.

"She and Zuko had a _big_ fight before you were released. There was a lot of pressure on her to become Fire Lady and have kids and we're only like nineteen so she didn't want to. Zuko was being pressured by the Fire Sages and Mai wouldn't budge on the kids or marriage, so she cut things off. I think she's living in Ba Sing Se right now, but I don't know. We used to write a lot, but a lot has changed," Ty Lee says as she runs her hand across the tree bark.

"Do you think they'll ever get back together?" Azula muses as Ty Lee drags her along on her quest for Agni knows what.

"We found our way back to each other, didn't we?" Ty Lee shrugs, "I think she needs space though, her aura is always so gloomy. Plus, did you see the way Katara looked at him? _Dra-ma._ "

"I don't know what they see in him," Azula sniffs.

Ty Lee giggles, "It's the eyes, Princess. You had me head over heels with one look."

Azula's face flushes again and Ty Lee giggles as she finally finds what she was looking for. She crouches down near the roots of the tree and pulls their intertwined hands to the tree. Azula can't see anything, so she scoots forward to see what this wild hunt was for. Above their hands lies a heart carved into the bark. Inside, the initials M + Z lay and Azula can't help the laugh that escapes her throat.

"So that's why Mai wanted all those knives," Azula smiles.

"I might've borrowed one too," Ty Lee murmurs and pulls their hands down to the ground.

At the base of the tree, under the neat carving, is a much messier carving of a heart. The heart is crooked and none of the lines connect properly, but the idea is there. And, inside are the intials T + A.

"You did this?" Azula says in awe.

"When we were like eight, yes," Ty Lee is blushing but she doesn't seem flustered, not at all, instead she seems confident, "I just had a feeling."

"That by some miracle we'd work out?" 

"Yes. And we did. To be honest, I think I've been in love with you since I first saw you."

"...I will admit that it was quite obvious I had a soft spot for you."

Ty Lee smiles and pulls the princess in for a sweet kiss. Underneath the tree where their love began all those years ago, Azula feels her heart ricochet in her chest and her body melt against Ty Lee. _Her Ty Lee_ , her cheerleader, her biggest supporter, her best friend. Maybe they were inevitable, or maybe it was a miracle. And Azula know she doesn't deserve the Kyoshi Warrior right now, but she also knows that fear and hate no longer rule her heart. Plus, they have the rest of their lives for Azula to prove her love to the girl.

And for her, that is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for everyone who came along on this ride. your comments and kudos and everything drive me and motivate me. i hope you guys enjoyed this short story. i hope it proved to you that no one is truly irredeemable, that everything is a matter of perspective (and sometimes your narrator is unreliable, though i love her). this story got me into the tyzula fandom, but rest assured there will be a lot more stories where this came from.
> 
> love,  
> aspen (@aspenroman on tumblr)


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